Journal of the lost
by Shiguya Retomasi
Summary: Sometimes things don't go how we expect, straying from a sense of normal into a world of madness. It's in these times, that our true character begins to shine... and our darkest fears come to life. In the end, only written word remains to tell the story.


Disclaimer: all names, places, and characters you recognize are copyright their respective owners. Anything else is mine, so don't be a thief; aunt Shadowbane doesn't appreciate it.

_I know you've been reading this, and before any apologies/excuses fly, I want you to know it's okay. This was... helpful, if not frustrating at times; being able to put my thoughts and worries somewhere, and try to grasp it all did a lot for me. Even so, don't think I won't get you back for reading MY personal thoughts-and don't even try to guess what it'll be. I've been getting tips from Shadowbane. Anyway, plotting doom and annoyance aside... why are you reading this? I mean, it's not like there's many things I'd keep to myself-aside from the dreams, and if you dare tell 'her' about those I will give you a nightmare of my own-that aren't of a personal nature, so... was it boredom, or just curiosity? In any case, this is all in the past now and we have a lot of good times coming; I can feel it. Oh, and thanks again for not laughing._

_- D. Dracoris Ketchum, December 31_

_P.S. it wasn't me that gave you a... oh wait, you probably haven't opened that yet. Anyway, it wasn't me._

I don't understand any of this; all those humans said was that "it needs to be away from the abuse", or "it shouldn't be with such a dangerous person." Nobody cares, they don't know what I'm feeling; I'm just another Pokémon to be 'rescued' from being mistreated' in their eyes. I wasn't mistreated; it was my own doing that brought all this upon my family… upon myself. I want to go home… why can't they just leave me alone? And now, I've been dumped in a new 'home', with a human who is to take care of me because… because my father didn't stop my own self-destruction. They blame him for what I've done, they accuse him of neglect, abuse, even torture… never asking me what happened, because I'm just an animal to them. So, rather than try to fight against a species who will not listen, I have to stand up and work through this myself… I have to be strong, despite how many times that's failed before. Hopefully this journal will listen where others are deaf, understand where others push forth ignorance. It worked for Mom, so maybe… maybe it can pull me through this. - May 12, around 4 pm.

Alone, solitude, isolation: there are so many words to describe the same feeling, the emptiness of having everything you know stripped away, leaving behind only the scars and drying tears as reminders of what you once had. For the best interest of the Pokémon, to ensure its physical and mental health are not further damaged, to rescue me… I tried to state my side, but they wouldn't listen. A Pokémon is just an animal, and has no say in league matters… just an animal to use, and treat like property. I have to go, my new master is calling. - May 13, noon

Lunch was simple, yet edible; the food had little taste, just something to keep my body functioning so the cycle of pain and perceived abuse doesn't start again. My new master was quiet, always watching me as I choked down enough to satisfy him… appraising me, probably wondering how long it is before I'm able to fight again. Entertainment is all we are to humans; creatures with amazing abilities that can be used against one another, while they stand in safety, shouting out orders like generals leading their troops to their demise. I never looked him in the eye, yet his stare rarely left where my eyes would have been. Don't feel well, taking a nap - May 13, around 3 pm

Another home cooked meal eaten in silence. He didn't demand that I eat on the floor, or that my diet consist of those brown pellets the league feels is appropriate balanced nutrition for me; I'm thankful for that, but it feels like just a cover. Once he feels I'm fit to fight, things will change. Humans are all the same on the inside; out for themselves, unconsidering of what those beneath them are thinking or feeling, selfish. Going for a walk. - May 13, 6 pm.

This place reminds me so much of home… what used to be my home. Even this room feels like what was lost; spacious for my size, a comfortable bed, and a door I'm allowed to shut, but not lock. He treats me almost like an equal, like I matter… things will change. He leaves me alone except for meals, which is surprising. Most of his kind would have tried to cheer me up, or at least get me active; that human is different. It's like he feigns understanding how I feel, or is trying to move at a different angle to achieve his unseen goal. Maybe tomorrow will bring with it answers, or something to show his real intentions. - May 13, 9 pm

Sleep… something my mind both craves and dreads. Every time I close my eyes, and let that veil descend it returns. Nightmares without form, disconnected voices, feelings I can't grasp, a river of tears cried over a lifetime, all ending in a muted scream as I woke up. Even now just thinking about it makes me shiver… dread chilling my veins at the thought of facing those demons once again. I can almost hear my father's advice right now, but it's faint. He would say 'don't be afraid to ask for help. You can't face everything alone. We're here for you.' But, he's not here… because of me, I lost that… I lost my family. - May 14, 10:30 or so

It hurts to cry, yet the tears refused to stop until they ran dry… and all I ask is why? Why can't I control my emotions? What form of God cursed me to be this way? Adults don't cry, they're strong enough to hold their emotions in check even through the worst of times… but I can't. If something bad happens, I break down like a child, soaking my fur and the sheets with my weakness. My master hopefully won't find out… he'll just laugh at me, or remove the mask of kindness he's kept on and show his true nature. I want my Dad here… I just want to know I'm loved, and not a tool, or a pet… - May 14, 1:30

What is a home? Where you live, where you sleep, where you feel comfortable? I used to think it was where your family was, or where those you knew lived. Now… I don't know, I just don't know. He says this is my home, but it feels cold. It's devoid of the laughter, the sounds of family going about their day, even the arguments… a maddening silence. I could just run away, hide until the humans who took me give up and find my way back. But… Dad would be angry, and it's not worth that. Dinner - Sometime in the evening

Running away isn't a solution, but maybe I can make them let me go. I've seen humans simply throw away Pokémon who disobey, so maybe if I give him enough trouble they'll let me go. I'll try that in the morning after breakfast; gonna spend the entire day outside, and maybe even the night. That human can try to order me around, but I'm not his Espeon, and I'm not going to be his 'friend' or 'companion' like he thinks I will. For now, I just need to plan out how to do this. - Before bed, around 11 pm

Well… it sort of works. The human talked down to me for a bit, but I just snubbed him off and walked away. I showed him… but, something didn't feel right. I was gone all day, yet there wasn't a trace of anger in his voice. Even when I walked away he only sighed to himself. It must be working that well, or he's already given up on me. Either way, a few more days of this and I should be free to go. I also found a nice place to relax outside; there's a clearing about half a mile from this house, with a weird stone set near the back. It had a… calming feeling around it, like the air was tranquil there. No matter, it's far enough that he won't find me before I can teleport, so that's going to be my hiding spot. - Crescent moon, looks like waning at around midnight

That stone had some writing, but it was too worn. Hmm… maybe I should make a rubbing of it, just to find out what it says. Maybe it's a grave, with some ancient warrior buried there, or even a feared warlord sealed beneath the stone. That would be neat. Hmm… be back in a bit. - just before heading back out after lunch.

Well, I got something… can't read it, though, which is disappointing. I'm convinced it's a gravestone now, because why else would a stone with funny words carved into it be somewhere? It still seems like a weird place for it, though; the area almost looks like it grew around the stone… nah, that only happens in fairy tales. - Hungry, write later.

Can't sleep. That stone is still bugging me; curiosity can be frustrating when you've had a long day, and just want to get a bit of rest, but… just what is it? Maybe that human knows-no, I'm not going to give up yet. I'm sure he's getting frustrated with me not listening to him. I just have to remain tough and make him see that I don't want to be here. Still, maybe that stone hides a mystery; like a hidden chamber full of long forgotten treasures. Or it leads somewhere else, like a beacon to warp you across the land. Tomorrow I'm gonna have to try some things with it. For now, I'm feeling tired. - Bedtime

No secret passage yet, but maybe the key lies in the carvings? Maybe if I could translate the runes, the words would allow me access to the possibly trap filled chambers below? The problem is finding a book that has ancient text to modern, especially with this being out of the way. Then again… I did see a small shelf of musty looking books in the living room, and who knows what might be hidden there. Gonna check, write later. …

No such luck, just some boring books, and a photo album. The human I'm stuck with was in the few photos I saw, and an Abra was in every one too. I'll crack the mystery yet, but perhaps caution is in order. It could be the tomb of a dark warrior, so I'd better be ready just in case he left some of his dark Pokémon behind to defend his resting place. Hmm… I wonder how you would fight a dark type skeleton. Finding a blunt weapon shouldn't be hard, but it's a matter of staying out of their range. Aside from that, most traps are easy enough to avoid. Tomorrow, though. Right now I just want to relax and watch the sunset.

The stars aren't as bright out here. Maybe it's just me, but they look farther away, too. I can still pick out most of the constellations Dad taught me, but a few don't feel quite right… must be because I'm in a different part of the region now. The main ones stay the same no matter how far I stray; shining down through the dark field they rest on. Maybe that's just how life it; no matter how far we go, our light will shine just as bright. I just hope mine doesn't burn out before escaping here… - bedtime

Why does that human just brush everything off? He commented that me being outside so much was a good thing, even offering to tell me a story about that stone. I was sorely tempted to break my silence, but the mystery will be solved. Speaking of it, the thing is driving me crazy; won't budge, and without a tome to translate the markings I'm stuck. Hmm… can't be elvaan as that is just a fairy tale, and it's too weird to be any human language- that's saying something, but best to rule it out before wasting the time on it. Maybe… gonna check something. – off to lunch

Ruled out the tomb option today after about an hour of digging and testing the area. It's a bit disappointing, but there's still the mystery of what's carved into it, and why it would be there; it could be human made, but something about it seems off. Can't place a paw on what, but there's something… almost magical in that clearing. Being out there in the sun really clears my head, and… I feel calmer, more at peace with things. Course, once I leave the desire to leave here comes back. It lingers a bit, just long enough to start feeling…. comfortable before it fades, but that short time is a nice break. – Macaroni and cheese for dinner

Maybe this place isn't so bad… for being dumped here, that is. Aside from continually focusing on the bad, or trying to fight that human this place is kind of like home. I still miss Mom and Dad, but maybe if I behave he'll let me go back. If not… well, I could run away; those humans might stop me, but they won't be able to find me. But no, I have to stay here and cheer up or whatever it is they want from me. I wonder if any of the wild Pokémon are playful? Will have to find that out in the morning. – 3/18

Right now I'm up early watching the sunrise from my room. I never stopped to think about the simple things in life. Then again, I rarely had insomnia before so they happened while I was asleep. Watching the orange glow break across the trees, warming the cold air with its majesty, rising slowly as if savoring every moment; it really puts things in perspective. The sun, the very thing which brought me to be who and what I am is patient, so why am I disgracing its image by being rash? It's not possible for me to suddenly have nigh unbreakable will to endure, but I can… I can try to find the light before my own sun rises. Which means not whining and feeling sorry for myself, and actually working toward that goal-hey, I bet that stone is a grave, but it was sealed with more rock. I must dig deeper after breakfast.

Dug for an hour straight, mostly random spots looking for where the ground was harder; no luck. I even tried focusing a few blasts of psychic in likely areas, only locating a rusty bucket, and a few coins. It still rules out that possibility, though I got a meal out of it. I guess talking to myself, and yelling with every concussive blast was not a great idea… that human, as I still won't break my silence to find out his name, came by with a picnic basket. I had to bite back wanting to just vanish, but it was for the better; lunch under the noontime sun was pretty good. Hmm… gonna go look again for something to translate what I'm convinced is a forgotten language.

Something tells me that I've been stupid about him. He's… nice, and hardly comes off as the type to suddenly turn mean. It's been over a week, yet he's never demanded anything of me-making sure I eat at meals yes, but never forcing his will upon me. He even offered again to tell me the story of that stone, but I want to figure it out myself; He… I'm starting to like him-not that I'm about to say that just yet, because the more time I think about that stone, the less other things seem to matter. I wish someone around here knew how to play cards, but… I don't have mine anyway, so it's a dead point anyway. – Napping before dinner.

Insomnia is frustrating. I'm up on the roof, thinking about life and what is really important when sleep is all I want. Does someone up there know what I don't? Is there really a reason for all of this to happen, or was it just a series of errors and accidents that lead to me being taken away? I didn't want it to become like this … so much just happens, and I… I couldn't hold it together. Asking why is like trying to make the moon change its phase to my whim, or expecting the sun to rise and fall at a command or gesture. It… it still hurts to think about her… about that howl… about what it meant, the sorrow it carried…. It's selfish to focus on how I feel, as it was another who felt the real pain… I just let the echoes she suffered take over. Here I go, turning everything into a poor me rant. Maybe… just letting go of everything, and starting fresh would be a good thing. For now, I'm just going to wait for the sun to rise. – Too early to be thinking

Shingles make for a horrible bed. Woke up with a sore chest and stomach, along with a dull ache in the rest of my body. Currently I'm lying on the porch, letting the summer sunshine work it's miracle on my still stiff muscles. Breakfast was good at least, and Dave-yes, I finally gave in and asked his name- didn't even give me any hassle for coming down around ten. He's hardly what I make him out to be; a bit talkative, tries to be understanding without prying, and… something else. I can't place a paw on-that's it! It's a monument, not a tombstone. Why didn't I see it before? The shape, the positioning, the clearing; it's a testament to something. The question is, what is it a marker for? Once I can move my legs without any pain, I'm gonna check around there again. – Sunbathing

I found the weirdest thing under my bed today: an old Frisbee, a few rings, and a few other odds and ends. Someone had scribbled 'props' on the side of the box, but that could mean a lot of things; maybe whoever used to sleep in this room was an entertainer, or even a clown. I've wanted to see one, but the circuses never come close to where I live-used to live, and Dad wouldn't approve of me going on my own that far. Maybe in time, but for now I have that stuff to wonder about. It's tempting to take the Frisbee and play, but it's no fun alone. Thinking about it, I haven't seen a single wild Pokémon in the area, and even the normal sounds are missing. Maybe it's because there's a human living so close… no, that doesn't explain it. Figure it out later, for now I'm gonna play with the Frisbee.

Got a few hours sleep in; I'd forgotten how good it felt to run until you wanted to collapse, even though most of that was chasing after a red disk flying lazily through the air and not an opponent. Dave was watching part of the time, but he said nothing; hopefully he isn't mad that I got into that stuff. Speaking of him, he's been asking me a few questions… mostly how I'm feeling, or if there's something I would like to do or a way to make me feel comfortable. I said things were fine, which is mostly the truth; home is what I desire, but also not possible, so everything else is fine. I could have sworn he frowned just a bit, but went back to preparing dinner anyway. Just my imagination getting the best of me, I'm sure. Think about it tomorrow, right now a bit of sleep is in order.

He woke me up a little while ago, saying I was crying out in my sleep, and thrashing wildly. I… it was another nightmare, only more coherent this time. it felt like I was drowning again, the water flooding into my lungs, choking the life out of me… I could see her, a paw lazily reaching toward me in mockery; that cruel smile staring through the bubbles and murkiness, silently laughing as I struggled to surface. I lied and said it was fine… it's not. I want Dad here, someone to hug, to tell me it'll be all right, that it's not real. But, I only have myself to rely on now; standing alone against the darkness I deny. I-I want to cry… but, the tears won't come. – In need of a hug

Brunch was quiet, even for Dave; he just watched me, saying nothing as I picked at my eggs. His stare was annoying, but I didn't care enough to look up, or ask him to stop. I… I felt alone, even more than I have this past week. Nobody understands how I feel, or what I'm going through. Nobody could… not even Dad. I don't dare take a nap, despite feeling so tired… too afraid of the nightmare coming back to finish me off.

Dave went into town earlier, asking me to watch the house while he was gone. Being alone feels… worse than I would have thought. Knowing that there's nobody around, even if you wish they weren't normally is such a bad feeling. It's hollow, cold, and depressing; I know he'll be back in about an hour, but that seems like an eternity of lying on the porch, wondering when he'll get back. I asked myself why it even bothered me after he left, but came up with nothing; I don't dislike him that much, but he's hardly someone I would call a friend because of how we met. In a different time, or under better conditions he'd be someone worth knowing… maybe he is now, and I just won't see it that way. It's difficult to simply let go of so many thoughts, and try to embrace a new life… I may have to, if only to end the confusion. I hope he brings back something nice for dinner, maybe even fish. – Mmm, fish.

I had to help cook dinner, mostly because he wanted to make a pretty sizable meal for tonight and tomorrow. Mixed vegetables, pan fried Goldeen in a red wine sauce, a fair amount of white rice, and a small vanilla cake for tomorrow. Dave let me lick the bowl, but only after dinner was finished. I swear he was laughing the entire time, but it was well worth a batter dessert. He didn't say what was so special tomorrow, and I didn't pry; felt too… normal, eating a meal without forcing it down my throat. Even feeling happy having such good food was nice; letting go is hard, but one step at a time, I'll make due. He promised to tell me the story behind that stone tomorrow, but only if I keep it a secret; must be really important to him. Gotta do the dishes now.

Can't sleep, nightmares will come back… she's changed, yet I can't let it go. I can't hate her for it either… every time I try, the feeling just fades into thinking about how hurt she was, or wondering about how she's doing now. Maybe it's just a reaction to how much it hurts… or, just another problem on the pile. Either way, I don't want to drown… not in my sleep, not ever. - On the roof.

Woke up in my bed, but I don't remember coming down… must have, as my diary was closed next to me, and I was under the covers. Maybe I was falling asleep and hauled myself down, because I doubt Dave could get up there. It doesn't matter, what does is getting breakfast. – Hungry

I feel… it's hard to describe, but the best equivalent is both happy and curious at the same time, with a bit of awe tossed in for good measure. That story was really neat, but hard to grasp all at once. As I promised, I won't repeat it to anyone, but just… wow. It reminded me of Kitsu, and how she used to tell us so many amazing stories. The only difference is, Dave made it feel real; like he really believed that wild tale, unlike how she was doing it to get us to sleep-not that I knew that back then. Now that I'm older, I can see through the actions. Still, that story has given me a lot to think about, especially in how I see being here… well, being trusted is a strong motivator to that. Gonna go play, write later.

Catching a flying object with your tail is really hard, but good practice. Reminds me of one of Kitsu's stories, where a human could catch swords with his bare hands; it's hardly true, as it would just slice through where it touched, but still neat to daydream about doing. Not that I would try anything that stupid; I like the split in my tail ending where it does too much. What's even harder is getting it airborne with your tail, but a small psychic grip makes up for the lack of dexterity. Hmm… I'm gonna go find a stick; just got an idea. – off to swordfight.

Dave let me lick the knife after he frosted the cake, which was harder than it sounds. You try holding onto a narrow bit with a paw and keep it still as you lap at it. Still worth the effort, despite the cake being better. Turns out that it was someone's Birthday, despite them having passed on a while back… it was awkward, but he said death is just a release, not something to be bothered by. Like he would know… by how he talked, the one who died was just a friend, nothing more. He doesn't know how it feels to lose someone close, the sorrow their passing leaves behind… but, best not to dwell on that any longer. It got me into a big mess once, and things can only get worse if I do it again. Dinner was nice; we had the leftovers from yesterday, along with this sharp tasting drink that made me feel funny. Wine… uh oh, Dad'll kill me when he finds out I had alcohol. Better go find some mints to cover up the smell, as Mom's breath reeks after it.

What was I thinking… Dad won't find out, as I may never see him again. Maybe I can yell at myself to fill in the void… no, it's not the same. I don't feel any different, aside from lightheaded… that stuff was actually good. A bit sharp, but the flavor added to the subtle fish taste; that, and taking the time to smell it helps. Hehe, it's a shame humans can't use their senses; there's so much to that red drink beyond just subtle changes in the fermentation, or what it was brewed in. The taste… that's different. I detected the grapes and mahogany, but it was pretty thin under the bitter taste of the actual alcohol… bleh. Still, it was nice to try, but not something worth doing on a regular basis. How Mom and Karakof do it I'll never know; maybe they like acting silly and smelling foul? Need a bath.

I did some more practicing my sword grip, though it's hard to really get a gauge when you're using an old toothbrush as a dagger, rather than a balanced stick to imitate a nice rapier. Still, the smaller dagger might be better, as it takes less tail strength to hold, leaving me free to use a few psychic tricks to keep my opponent off balance. Hmm… I can throw the dagger too, so maybe that's a better style for me? It's something to think about, though getting a stick small yet heavy enough is going to be tough. Gonna call it a night, and hopefully get more than a few hours sleep. –Daggertail Dracoris

Ahh, a nightmare free night, combined with waffles; now that's a way to spend a morning. Can't say the syrup was the best, but when you've grown up on home made the store bought just isn't as good you know? No matter, breakfast is breakfast so long as it's edible, and you're not in danger of winding up with a very spicy sausage or spiked orange juice. I do miss the chaos; especially when everyone gets into a big fight over the last muffin, or who has to help with dishes. - Exploring

I swear that stone is hiding something from me. Dave says it's just a marker, but who would put a short pillar of granite with weird markings in the middle of a forest, and not bury something under it? If anything, maybe it's a beacon; like one of those homing things Kitsu once went on about… maybe I shouldn't have glazed over as she droned, but she's just so boring. You'd think for being so old she'd have an idea of how to tell a story without going off into a bunch of technical issues that nobody really gets. Maybe that's part of getting old? If it is, I'm gonna find a way to avoid that; there's only room for one crazy Pokémon at home, and I'm sure Mom's gonna be the next. Hmm… I wonder if the markings aren't a language, but a code? Like an ancient lock disguised as something more than it is? Gonna try something.

Oran berry juice tastes really good, but is very bad in your fur. Spent a good ten minutes trying to suck and gnaw the icky stuff from between my toes, but I got the tracing; feeling a bit lightheaded from the smell. Looking back, using the really soft ones may not have been a good idea. Ahh well, it was easier to squeeze them along the grooves, and press a page of my journal into them; it ruined more than one page, but it's a small sacrifice. I just hope that my book smelling like a berry bush doesn't cause too much trouble… or attract anything unwanted. No matter, I finally got a good look at the markings; they're more like a maze of lines and half formed symbols than any language I've seen, even in books. Write later, I think it's dinnertime. – DD

Dave gave me a really funny look when he saw my paws, but said nothing; I swear he was smirking as he cooked. At least a good scrubbing with dish soap and a brush got the worst of the staining out. There's still a bit in between my toes, but a nice bath will get that out hopefully. Dinner itself was nice; steamed broccoli and pasta, a chunky tomato sauce, and a few slices of cheese toast… mmm. He used a bit too much oregano, but it's not polite to complain when someone put that much effort into a meal. Besides, he still hasn't tried making me eat those awful pellet things the league insists are good for Pokémon. Ugh… how something that tastes like dirt, and has the consistency of mud can be good for you is beyond me. I'd rather eat what tastes good and take a supplement for whatever they put in that stuff to make it healthy. – Exercise

I'm liking the dagger/sword style. It's tough to maintain your balance between them, especially when trying to parry with your tail blade and strike with the sword at your left. Thankfully I didn't hit myself with either weapon, even though my dagger came close a few times. Hmm… maybe if I can get the hang of one, I can have two swords… that'd be fun. I'd be like one of the northern barbarians, only with a tail! And with the abundance of berries and soft dirt, making my own markings should be a breeze; I wonder if forest or plains camouflage would work better? But, that's for later; right now I need to keep practicing my style. Someday though, I'll be the scourge of Mr. Silver; a fierce warrior prowling the land in search of new challenges. I wonder if there's any place that makes armor my size? – Bedtime

Today is the day, I can feel it; I'll make some progress on those markings, maybe even crack a part of its code. I had a dream about it… or maybe it was just my mind playing tricks on me from waking up at four am… either way, it will be done! But first, breakfast; can't really think on an empty stomach, can I?

Mmm, eggs and bacon with a glass of orange juice. Nothing like a good power breakfast to get the mind working, is there? Unfortunately, none of Dave's books had anything helpful aside from a few old survey notes. Judging by how musty they were, I'd guess they're from before this place was built, which could be useful. Hmm… there was a few marks roughly where the stone was that looked weird, which could be important. They're fresher ink, but with the dust and grime clinging to that old paper I can't be sure when they were added. Doesn't matter; what does matter is that a few of them look like the stains in my journal; not identical, but close enough to be a possible clue. Hmm… I'll have to sneak it out and compare; the tracing I made bled, and the pages are sticking together. – Round eleven or so.

Took a few things in a basket with permission so I can work on the code, and maybe some swordplay rather than break for lunch. Dave didn't mind, though he did ask me to head back before sunset… and asked what I was doing. I… well, I didn't tell him the whole truth; partially because he might get mad that I stained that stone with berry juice, and because he might laugh at me… I don't like being laughed at. Kera used to laugh at me a lot, especially when I started crying or calling out for mommy… but, that's past. Right now I have a mystery to solve. Write later, gonna start working on it.

I was right! The markings do resemble the stone, only smaller. Seeing them horizontal rather than vertical helps a bit, but not much; it's like looking at a circle of rocks, and trying to see a pattern to them. Reminds me a bit of something I saw in town; a small shop for planning travel had a photo of a bunch of tall rocks… all making a shape… hmm… maybe if they make a shape rather than a word or phrase, and that shape means something specific… nah, that's too farfetched. Well… there's always one part sticking out from the others. Gah, I think the stone is just trying to mock me by seeming complex. Like one of those puzzles you stare at for hours, only to realize the answer was right in front of you the entire time. – Snack time

No luck with the stone, unfortunately. The shape is a dead end, as there are a few like it in other positions. The one I found on the map looks similar to the first shape, but it's off just a bit; the stone is angled toward the sun, while the one on the paper is pointing west… but the gaps don't line up either… what if… I'll have to work on that later. Dave wanted me to help with dinner tonight, and I promised to be back in time. Just wanted to stop and write out a few thoughts before heading back just in case I forget.

There's nothing like eating something you know you helped prepare, especially when you had a lot of say in what it was. Dave did give me a funny look when I suggested a simple stir fry, but he went with it anyway. Mmm, it's the simple things that are the best; quick boiled carrots, broccoli, a few water chestnuts, and shrimp all fried and served with a bit of cooked rice. Dad used to make it a lot while we were growing up, mostly because we all loved watching it flip and stir itself from a safe distance. It felt a bit strange being the in control of the pan… like I was taking his role, if only for those few minutes. At least it didn't come out too bad; the shrimp was on the tough side, but they're really hard to cook right. Ehe, it's fun pretending not to notice the way Dave watches me eat with a fork. – Gonna shower

There has to be something to those shapes, but what? They're too similar to be a language, it can't be a code, which doesn't leave much else. I wonder if they're meant to be like a key; each one pointing to another clue, or disguising an indent or place to put a stone. Or maybe I'm wrong completely, and they're just funny shapes to distract would-be robbers. This is one of the few times I wish Kitsu was around; she's old enough to have seen a lot of the world, so maybe she'd have some ideas on what they are, or at least what kind of civilization made them. For that matter, maybe a human didn't make them. It could be a lost tribe of Pokémon, and the marks are a primitive beginning of a written language. Hmm… nah, that's a bit farfetched. Well, I'm gonna go relax on the porch for a bit. – Stone thing 1, Me 0

Woke up with a few splinters in my paws, and a sore back. Note to self: porches don't make for great places to sleep. Seriously, I don't understand how the Mightyena in classic pictures stand it. Sleeping on wood planks leaves you sore, and it smarts standing up suddenly and hitting your head on a railing. Ahh well, I got to see the sunrise because someone dropped a bucket and startled me… I swear he did it on purpose. – Breakfast time

Bleh, oatmeal is nasty. It's at least edible if you stir in a bit of fruit, but plain it's like eating soggy bread crumbs. Dave said it's good for humans and Pokémon alike, but if that gunk is the cure, I don't want to know what the disease is. I swear that stuff is bought at a hardware store as an additive for cement. That, or a natural version of spackle; Dave said it'll 'stick to my bones', so that may not be far off. I snuck a paw full of berries while he was out to the market to get the taste out of my mouth. Seriously, that stuff left a film. – Sunbathing

I'll give that stone one thing: it makes for a great post to lean against in the mid-morning sun. It's comforting in some ways, just leaning against something solid, letting your mind drift away, the warmth easing aches you didn't eve know were there. The downside is that your mind sometimes comes back with less than pleasant memories, or reminds you of your situation… I still want to go home. I miss mom, dad, and everyone else… I miss having my own bed to sleep in. And I miss her… the one who saved my life. Sakaki… I owe her so much, yet can't repay any of it. *sigh* Maybe in time I'll be allowed visitation rights… depending on what that group who thinks they know what's best for Pokémon say. I shouldn't dwell on it, though; this is what I have, and it's high time I make due. Dad wouldn't want me to pine over what is lost, after all. – I want a hug…

Why is it so hard to figure this puzzle out? There's only so many possible ways to look at those symbols, yet every one I've tried was a dead end. Is someone up there playing a prank on me, or am I just overlooking an obvious clue? Let's see… not enough to be a language, unless a half dozen shapes can convey a deeper meaning, they're too similar to create a whole new shape… wait, maybe they do-

No, it's not a shape, at least one I can see. It's already evening, and I'm still at square one with this thing… I know someone up there is laughing, but I don't care. I will crack this code, or puzzle, or whatever it is if it's the last thing I do. Hmm… that new symbol has to mean something… maybe it's a clue from someone who figured it out, or even-hey, that's an idea. What if it's like solving for what's missing; take what's there, and try to figure out what has been taken away, or isn't shown? I'll have to try that out in the morning; I can hear Dave calling me for dinner.

We had take-out tonight, which was on the greasy side. Then again, what can you expect from food that comes in a red and white box with a wire handle? It was better than the wall paste Dave called breakfast at least, and it was fun learning to eat with sticks; it's harder than it sounds when your appendages are far from useful. Dave was patient, despite how easy it was to tell he was trying not to laugh. And you know, I wanted to laugh as well; it was pretty ridiculous looking having two bits of wood floating in the air, trying to grip a few noodles. Not that I would tell him of course, but for a few minutes… I felt good, even happy here. That faded once I started into a bit of pre-bed exercises, but I couldn't stop grinning as with each thrust, or laugh as I mimicked a parry. There's just something about tonight that was… different than before. I can't put a paw on it, because 'of course' it would be too easy to understand right as it happened. It did sharpen my technique a bit, so at least some good came out of the situation. – DD

I had the weirdest dream last night. Dave and I were walking together, when something spoke-it was like the sky itself shook with every word. It said something like the time was here… it was time… something about us. It was when the voice finished that this funny looking creature appeared; no idea what it was, but the thing was about my size. Female… I think, couldn't really tell from the distance it appeared at-anyway, it started to speak in a soft voice, telling us that we were the chosen pair. Dave said something, but that's about when the radio woke me up. I think those greasy noodles really messed with me, or maybe I'm spending too much time thinking and not enough exercising. Either way, I still feel funny. I smell paste… great. – Breakfast time.

Well, Dave at least had some fruit to offset the brown plaster today, though I already miss the real breakfast we used to have only a few days ago. I shouldn't complain, as it's better than the demeaning brown bricks that other humans would try to make me eat… not by much, though. One has a taste that kills my appetite, and the other tastes like eating portions of the wall; not much of a choice when you get down to it. But, food is food no matter how much it makes you want to get back in bed and sleep until lunch. That aside the fruit was good: I swear Dave is either part Pokémon, or at least has a superb sense of smell, because those were some of the sweetest slices I've ever had. It fully made up for the muck that consisted of the main breakfast. He said I can take a few with me today, so that's gonna be great. Just thinking about it is making me drool… so good…

I wonder what would happen if the symbols were drawn out, or at least taken out of their pattern on the stone… maybe they're not in order on purpose? What if they're-nah, that's too out there even for me. It has to be something hidden, or a challenge to test anyone seeking what the stone hides. Maybe aliens… or some super-being that wants to mess with the mortals? Or what about a religious thing like hallowed ground… or a seal. There's nothing below, so whatever it could be keeping back must be a spirit, or held somewhere else. In that case… maybe spreading that berry mush on it was a bad idea. That could explain the dream with the thing in it, but why would be we chosen? Is Dave hiding some past from me, pretending to be a normal human living near the seal of a great evil, while actually being a great warrior? – taking a nap

Mmm, a warm afternoon and a few pieces of fruit to enjoy, that's my ideal afternoon. Would have been perfect if I'd dreamed up the solution to the mystery stone, but you can't have everything. Ahh well, at least the voice didn't return to tease me further, though maybe she could have given me a point in the right direction. Leftovers make great sparring targets when tossed in the air, though they only last a few swings until they vanish into the grass; I could sniff them out, but by the time I ran out, I was feeling confident in my form. Going with just the dagger style now, though perhaps a second in my jaws would be good for a backup. The tele-sword just wasn't working, especially as I have to look away from my enemy to control it. Hmm… what about throwing knives? I'm sure it's possible to have a row along my back, and picking those out without looking isn't too bad. Something to look into when I search for armor.

I wrote out the symbols a few times, trying out different things to make sense of them. If only there was something they all had in common; a matching notch, the number of notches, or even a position something lined up. Maybe thin it would be easy to figure out… but, whoever put it here was clever. I'll crack it yet, but for now all I can do is continue to fiddle with them and see what happens. Speaking of fiddling, I was digging in the dirt with my dagger and found a few old coins. Not antique, or even older than a decade or so, but it was still strange. Could this thing really be a religious marker, or something to that effect? I mean, who's going to bury perfectly good money at the base of a weird stone without reason… no, they're just messing with me. It's a trick, or some sort of misleading clue to throw me off the trail… or maybe someone was relaxing here and lost their change. In any case, it's just another mystery for the pile. Better head back, Dave is calling. – hungry.

We had a pre-made dinner, thankfully not from the greasy noodle place. Dave had bought a frozen pizza and headed it up: tomato, peppers, mushroom, and what I'm guessing was spiced sausage on a thin crust. Definitely better than the place Dad likes to order from, but still not as good as his or Dave's cooking. Hey, beggars can't be choosers, and it was pretty good. this place is making me feel… uneasy yet at peace. Dave has been so nice to me, despite the situation, and even now he's treated me like a human friend, and not just a pet. Maybe I was wrong to think he'd turn out to see me as a tool, or a weapon… he's still too nice to be believed, but something about him feels genuine. It's like… he knows a lot more than he's saying, but it doesn't slow him down either. Sometimes it's frustrating being a psychic… the answers are right there if you want to take them, but you know what the consequences for it are going to be. And that aura he has… it only makes the question burn hotter. Why is he so nice to me, and who left such an impression to be celebrated this long? Maybe figure it out later, right now I feel like some stargazing. – hoping not to fall asleep on the wood again.

I had that dream again, only it went longer… the creature was closer, but still not defined. I could make out what appeared to be bright blue and white fur, and a red glow… it had a voice that couldn't be ignored. Soft yet commanding, like a whisper carried on the breeze. 'The ones of fate… guardians… here to…' and then it faded. It's one of those dreams that leaves a shiver in its wake; like someone is behind you, but when you turn it's nothing. If only I could see her clearly, know what was has teased me for a second night. That's like trying to catch a Gengar by the tail; it's not going to happen unless it wants you to. Well, better go out to face the plaster of oatmeal.

Breakfast was uneventful, aside from Dave giving me a bit of sugar to make the gunk edible. I'll give it one thing; eating something so bland makes the taste of orange juice and milk stand out a lot more. Add in a small bowl of fresh berry mix and you have something that'll last you the morning… okay, so the glop isn't so bad if you add something to it. It still reminds me of the kinda thing you'd eat because there was nothing else, or you're trying to lose weight-something I don't need at all. I may spend a lot of time lying and trying to figure things out, but I'm still in good shape. It's cruel and unusual food that's what it is. Speaking of that, Dave mentioned that he's going into the market later, and asked if I'd like to go along. Haven't decided just yet, but it might be a good thing to get out and about. Hmm… yeah, why not? See a few sights, and maybe clear my head enough to figure out the symbols. – hoping it doesn't involve a leash.

It's around four in the afternoon, and I'm worn out. Dave never mentioned that we'd be walking, or that it's a good two mile hike into town. We took a dirt path through the country, which was fun aside from having to listen for cars coming. Even that was fun, even though only two cars passed us. The feeling of isolation from human made things felt good, especially as a lot more wild Pokémon were around. I swear that Furret was following us, but it's hard to tell one from another so maybe it was just my imagination. The market itself was hardly what I expected; maybe a half dozen indoor shops, and a lot of humans and even Pokémon selling various goods on the street. A farmer's market Dave said it was called, though going by the variety of things sold, it was more than that. I can't even describe the mix of sights, sounds, and smells; it was like stepping out of what modern day is, and finding yourself in a different world. And everyone was so nice to me, like I was just another person and not an Espeon. Then again, a few of the humans made a pretty big fuss over me, so maybe they're just not used to seeing a feline in the marketplace… ahh well, it was oddly fun being the center of attention like that. We picked up a good amount of groceries, including more of that evil substance Dave calls a good breakfast, along with enough vegetables to last us a week. Unfortunately, it turns out Dave wanted me along for more than company, and to see the sights, which is one reason I'm tired. He had me carry some of the stuff he bought, which isn't that hard considering I'm used to throwing several hundred pounds of struggling weight, but walking while doing that is a much harder strain. – Mmm, I smell dinner.

Back to the home cooked meals, which is nice and a shame at the same time. Dave's cooking is good, but there's something fun about trying new things; I'm not complaining about a hot meal versus something in a box, just thinking about it. It was pretty good, considering he only spent a half hour or so working in the kitchen… plus the resulting smoke from overcooking the canned meat stuff. Despite being burned in places, it was good. Can't remember what it was called, and Dave pitched the can before I could read it. Mmm… homemade macaroni and cheese is good. Add in a side of broccoli, carrots, and a few green beans with the mystery meat, and you have a lazy human's ideal dinner. I miss Dad's cooking…

I have it! I figured out what the symbols mean, or close enough to be an answer. I was relaxing on the roof when something occurred to me; every symbol, including the one somebody drew has the same notch. Others have more, but if you like every symbol up, they leave the same gap downward. It's not a lot, but something tells me that it's important. Now it's a matter of figuring out what they mean when lined up… hmm… I can see them in my head, but it's blurry. Shame it's too late to go out there, but the morning will be soon enough to work on it. And this time, no berry stains; those pages are now welded together, and smell funny. Hmm… I guess that means tomorrow will be a long day too. It's so quiet out here I sometimes forget it's even populated by humans. That, and without the distant howls of a pack still trying to secure itself and you have an almost eerie feeling. At the same time, it's fun to try and make out the shapes of the night; a Noctowl has been circling ever since the moon rose above the trees, probably searching for a meal. The Ledian have been quiet, though a few of the 'stars' have flashed outside where the moon lights the sky. And I swear that Furret from today was hanging around. Though, the only proof I have is hearing something banging around below, and the intruder retreating into the forest. No matter. I'd better get inside before I fall asleep and fall off the roof.

I don't think it's normal to have the same dream three nights in a row, yet that thing… whatever she is could be a hallucination, or maybe the stone was imprinted with something and it's contacting me. Hmm… then that would mean my guess wasn't far off if it's becoming clearer. I remember more of what it said, too: 'the guardians have come and gone, leaving behind only a… in them, the knowledge of what has come to pass… vessels of a history unrecorded.' The creature was shorter than me, too; maybe eye level with my chest, if not shorter. She had a stone larger than my own in her forehead, a rich red with facets; defiantly not a psychic type. And that tail… in the dream I didn't notice, but thinking back to it I want to hug it. It looks soft, and the way it flares out into a fluffy fan reminds me of a pillow. The markings were neat; that same light blue with smoky gray bands… after that, it's fuzzy. Her paws were a darker blue, like they were dipped in a deep lake, and her stomach was cream colored. And that voice… it sends a shiver down my tail thinking about it. I really need to get out more. – dreading breakfast.

Bleh, I swear morning is becoming cruel and unusual punishment rather than the beginning of a day. Oatmeal should be banned for use on Pokémon, as it's not food. It's like mixing the raw grain for bread with water and sawdust, packaged as 'healthy'. The only upside is that Dave isn't making me eat it alone; small comfort when I'm sure he's used to the paste. But… food is food no matter how little I like it, and unless they invent an even more tasteless form of it, I'd rather eat this stuff plain than the brown bricks. I remember when Shadowbane kept slipping them into Mom's salad… if looks could kill, the entire table would have been wiped out. On the plus side, Dave lets me add a bit of sugar and some fruit to this stuff, unlike the bricks of doom that can't be made edible. Now starting a fire… they'd burn pretty good. Hmm… I need to figure out how to make things catch fire with kinesis. – puzzle time

Ahh, a packed lunch of fruit and sandwiches, thermos of milk, and a mystery to unravel; this is how a day should be spent. The only thing missing is an answer to the puzzle in front of me, but hopefully that'll come after a bit of relaxing. It's frustrating knowing the answer is inches away, but you just can't stretch your paw and touch it. Touch it… wait, what about that? – checking something

It's like paw prints in the sand; each step falls in line with one after. Each one is a little off, but the a pattern still evolves as it travels. The notches don't make a lot of sense, but it has to mean something. Hmm… if it is footprints, I wonder if they're something you don't sink into? Or maybe something that leaves a different mark? Well, if they ARE meant to be footprints, what could resist the weight? Large boulders… maybe buildings-no, this is too old I would think… maybe it's something in its foot? Unless the footprint isn't part of the circle, but part of the indent… this is confusing. Maybe I'm just so desperate to figure this out I'm grasping at straws… I'm gonna take a nap.

And here I thought dreams were suppose to be relaxing. Maybe spending twenty minutes straight trying to figure how footprints and those symbols was a bad idea right before sleep. Or maybe trying to make my own milkshake with the thermos was a bad idea; either way, I had another dream about the blue creature. It was different this time: we were in this clearing at sunrise, but the stone was gone. She was saying something… 'In the footsteps of the usurper time does flow, from the depths of hatred a new beginning will grow. From the shadow of death a new day will ring, with voices once restrained life will sing.' I only remember because of that voice… it was eerie, to say the least. The same soft spoken notes from before, but something unearthly beneath it… it's like being doused with cold water. I don't remember much else, aside from that fan tail swaying as she spoke, and how she hid in the morning light. In the footsteps of the usurper king… what footsteps? Footsteps… they have a beginning and an end. Hmm… maybe I'm not so far off. But where would the footprints be going? Better head back, Dave may be looking for me.

Getting soaked is not fun at all, especially when you have to walk through a rough downpour, trying not to get your diary wet. It's one of the times Dad's obsession with being rounded came in handy. Ehe… I think Dave was a little weirded out to see a bubble of rain-and me riding on his basket rather than walking-appear behind him. To his credit, he didn't jump more than a few inches; the look he shot me was well worth it, though. I think he was about to throw me into the rain as revenge, if his glare was anything to go by. Ehehe, still worth it. Speaking of tricks, he got me back with dinner; the jerk snuck a slice of tamato in the chicken. My tongue is still numb, and I'm currently curled under a blanket to warm up… looking back, running into the rain was not a good way to wash it out. Hopefully this doesn't become a routine; it takes too long to dry out, and my fur smells horrible. – going for a warm bath.

I feel both good and bad right now. Dave gave me a bath… he knows how to reach just the right spots, but he bathed me! It's embarrassing. I don't know how to feel… on the one paw I feel better than I have in months, but on the other he did the same thing a human would for their pet. I know that wasn't his intention, and it was nice of him… it's just awkward to be treated that way. *sigh* Maybe it's just an overreaction to feeling comfortable here, or that Dave is trying to take Dad's role in my life… which isn't fair to him. Neither of us asked for this to happen, and pushing someone away for trying to make the best of a bad start is mean. Something good came out of it at least; Dave was chattering away about that legend again, and he mentioned something. The defeated one walked north, to live in solitude. His search for understanding lead beyond the horizon, to where land and sky met. Dunno what the last part means, but if that 'defeated one' has anything to do with the symbols, then north I go! Right after bed.

I'm sensing a pattern forming. Either my interest in that stone has become a subconscious obsession, or someone is trying to mess with my head. That blue creature was back again, this time standing on the stone. She was staring at the sky, humming an eerie tune; her tail swayed despite the air being still, the pale white underside sparkling with what I can only describe as magic. It was mesmerizing… her forehead gem glowed a deep red, casting its light across her body. The way her chest rose and fell, never breaking the song's rhythm. The delicate blue of her fur as it faded into that creamy underside, and the darker bands along her feathery tail. And those eyes… fields of black and red that could stare through you, and see all that she wished. Above, the deep blue of night set the stage for a field of stars, staring down upon us like the eyes of God. A crescent moon cut through the velvet sky, casting silvery ribbons of light upon us. The dream ended as she turned to look at me, flashing a few teeth in a mischievous smile before I woke up. Something tells me I have a stalker. – hungry.

There IS another pattern forming, one that involves building material and a spoonful of sugar with some fruit. I swear if it wasn't the only thing available aside from knocking Dave out and getting something better for myself, I wouldn't touch the stuff. At least misery has company; Dave eats the same glop, though without anything to make it taste non-toxic. I don't know how he stands it. Anyway, today's the day for adventure; I'm gonna put my theory into practice, and see if going north will do anything. The symbols… my only guess is that they're meant to show a path, or point the way toward a certain spot. You know, something that looks normal when you walk by, but hides secrets when you look closer. Hopefully it isn't more than a half day's hike, as I don't know this area well enough to make a safe jump; I'm pretty confident about not trying to appear inside something, but not enough to actually try it just yet. Well, time to hit the road. How did they say it… Let's go adventure! – hoping this isn't my last entry…

Hmm… the symbols being footprints is helpful, but how? I know what direction to search first, but how far, and is there anything to look for? Let's see… six including the one on the map, no particular order that I can see, and there's nothing defining a beginning or end. And the map doesn't have anything that could leave those indents on something large. Hmm… what if it's like pacing? Take the distance between each one on the stone, and use that as a measurement. It's a long shot, but might work. Only six steps forward, must be a pretty big something. I have an idea where this leads; there's a clearing marked out, more a hill than anything remarkable, but it's the highest point for several miles… and I don't want to walk that far just yet. No sense in making Dave worry, or get him in trouble for being a runaway. Well, I'm off! – need to find a dagger stick on the way.

I found the clearing, but there's not much here. Just a field of weeds, and a few logs. This can't be it, but by my guess this is where the last footprint would be. There IS something weird about the area, but I can't put a paw on it… the air is warmer over the stone, and those logs aren't can't be here by accident… it's like a meeting ground, or a place of power like Kitsu used to talk about. A lot of the grass has been walked on recently, but that's not surprising. It's a nice area with a great view, so whatever wildlife is out here probably hangs around in the morning. Those logs are bugging me… why would they be up here if it's not used for anything? Hmm… this place feels recently disturbed by more than a few sunbathers. It's-

Damn, something was spying on me but ran off before I could catch a glimpse. Maybe it was the pretty… thing stalking my dreams, or some shy species that lives around here. In any case it's gone, and I'm too tired from the walk here to pursue. Bleh, this hasn't been a fully wasted day, but the mystery is still eluding my grasp. At least this area is pleasant, and there's the funny circle of heat to lie in later. Right now, I just want to relax and fig-

*sigh* no rest for the weary. My makeshift bed rolled down the hill, taking me with it. It's worth noting that despite being hollow, having a log run you over several times is not a pleasant experience. On the plus side, the ground was soft so it took most of the impact. And the mystery grew deeper once I could walk in a straight line again; there was a metal tin hidden in what was the log, though the fall dented the lock so I can't get it open without a rock or something to smash it open. Hmm… gonna head back and find a hammer or something. – buried treasure!

… He's making fun of me, or this was a big coincidence. I got the box open after sneaking it in the house, and it was full of cards. Nothing really rare, or particularly sought after, just what looked like someone's spare box. All that time spent puzzling and wracking my brain over that stone, only to find out it was pointless! It was just a game to him! Just like Kera, only not as painful outwardly… I ate dinner in silence, and retreated to my room; it doesn't have a lock because of what happened to land me here, but Dave hasn't disturbed me yet. Maybe I should run away, go out on my own and never look back. At least then I could fight back when others laugh at me… I want to be normal…

Dreamless sleep; how strange a feeling to wake up from. It's like the world move onward while you were still, skipping over the hours in seconds. And of course, what's a night like that without yesterday's events crashing back on you? I can't look past Dave playing such a long trick on me, but… it doesn't feel very good trying to hate him either. I want to, but it hurts… like something is tearing into my stomach every time I try to force the feeling. Maybe my spiritual guide is trying to tell me something about this. Dave couldn't have done it all on purpose; the direction and maybe the box sure, but not everything… maybe I was fated to end up here? I just wish she would tell me, without being a mind stalker. Well, I'd better go and face the paste for today.

Boring breakfast made worse by the silence. I think my abrupt change bothered him… *sigh* things like to get messed up, don't they? Things are going good, even great and bam; something comes up and ruins that happy trend. Yeah, it's over something big; I feel like Dave was making fun of me, and getting my hopes up for nothing. And the real sting is that it's something I can't have… does he know that, or was it an accident? I need to talk to him, or at least bring all this to a boil. I don't want it to happen again…

So I broke down and sorted through my find, and even built a deck. It's been a long time since I've been able to play, and I'm not letting feeling down stop me. Even if I have to play with myself, it's something. There was a lot of cards I've never seen in there; a lot of things reprinted later, but several I've only seen other's use against me. It's like a gold mine of basic components, though it looks like my favorite style came up later in the game. Hmm… if there's enough to build a second deck with, maybe I can get a bit of practice in. Sure better than lying around doing nothing, or feeling sorry for myself that's for sure. Just have to keep down, as there's still other things to practice. I wonder if any of the wild Pokémon are up for a sparring match? - victim hunting.

It's been really quiet for the last hour. Looking back, maybe yelling out challenges in a mock pirate voice was a bad idea. So I gave up after the first half hour and practiced; tried putting a small psi charge into the end, but ended up blowing up my stick. Hmm… I wonder if metal would work? Kadabra and Alakazam have those funny spoons, and there's a few species made of metal. Sure, it's probably unique to them, but if I could get my paws on one of the spoons… or at least figure out how it works, I could really make progress. That weird Furret was around, but it ran off before I could say anything. Swear it's watching me even now, but I can't sense any presence outside a few Pidgey in the trees, and a Rattata scrounging for food. Well, I can here Dave calling. - I smell pizza!

Mmm, whoever says taking a bribe is bad hasn't had thin crust pizza before. I told Dave the truth right off, that I'm not mad at him-hurt yes-and that he didn't have to buy me back. Ehe…. turns out he just wanted to do something different for dinner, but that he was glad no hard feelings were had. I still say he was trying to bribe me, but I wouldn't say that to him. I'd all but forgotten how good greasy cheese, tomato sauce, sausage, and pepperoni was. Ate too much… currently I'm lying on my side, trying to ignore the loud protests from my stomach. Well worth it, mind you. - ehehe… fat and sassy.

Bleh… can't sleep. Stomach is giving me hell for eating half that pizza myself, and it's too late to do anything aside from lie here and work through the discomfort. Still thinking about how to make that second deck; there's a lot of cards left over, but it's missing key parts for most of the stuff I would do. I could take parts from my first deck, and make two that are balanced against each other for practice. Yeah, I'll work on that in the morning. For now, I'm gonna focus on getting my stomach to settle so I can sleep. Hmm… maybe rubbin-nope, bad idea. That made it worse-

… Now I know why Mom looks so nauseated when she's had too much to drink. It may taste pretty good going down, but coming up is cruel and unusual punishment. And cleaning up the near miss was not fun; humans have it bad because stomach acid reeks. But, when your sense of smell can pick out what you just ate along with a bit of breakfast and lunch… you have torture. Never again will I try to stuff that much food down my throat… no matter how good it is. On the plus side my stomach feels better; still protesting, but at least the pain has subsided. And I liked having a bit belly to pat… - tired

I'm starting to like my dream stalker, but I wish her appearances made more sense. We were on a beach this time, lying side by side as the tide rose. The tiny waves were crawling up the beach toward us, yet never quite reaching our paws. Her body glowed with an eerie light, as if she wasn't quite real… and she was so soft. It was like leaning against a silk pillow, one that moved gently with every breath. That tail… it was lying flat against the sand, save from where I was teasing it with my own. She turned to me, the same unearthly knowing hiding her thoughts behind those black and red pools. My heart skipped a beat as she smiled, flashing a few ivory canines… that's all I remember. Damn, if Dave hadn't woken me up, I think she was going to say something. Ahh well, maybe she'll be back tonight. From dreamland, to waking dullness I go. - oatmeal…

I wonder if it's possible to live in a dream, if only for a few days. At least there I wouldn't have to eat a bowl of gunk every morning. And I would have time to get some answers from that… whatever she is. No sense in trying to extend into that realm, as sooner or later you have to return to reality. Besides, I'm starting to build a resistance to the overwhelming bland of that stuff. Okay, and I was ravenous after losing most of my dinner last night. Puking up your guts tends to leave you pretty hungry I'm here to tell you. – need to clear my head.

Ahh, nothing like a morning of sunning yourself to ease away frustration. Dave went into town a bit earlier, and asked me to watch the house for him. Who would come out this far to cause trouble, though? Can't say there's much of value here, and even if there was who would know about it? It just struck me as odd, as Dave usually heads out and tells me where he's going. It's not a problem, but… nah, I'm just imagining things. I still feel unsure about last night; Dave was sincere about it not bothering him, yet it's bugging me still. It's nothing… maybe it was an accident I ended up out there, or the box wasn't put there by him? I mean, it did look old, and he did seem genuinely surprised to see it. Just another mystery to solve… or put aside. – naptime

Nearly jumped out of my fur when Dave woke me up. I don't remember more than a few fragments of my dream… nightmare, but it took a few minutes to get my heart rate under control. I remember… a voice, something taunting me… not water, but wat-rain, that's it. it was raining, something was just out of my vision… it loomed over me, like staring into the shadowy form of death itself. I was so small, so weak… that's all I remember. While I don't like to admit it… Dave running his hand along my back helped a bit. It felt good to feel a kind touch, even if it IS him. Well, Dave wants me to help with lunch.

It's around eight right now, and I'm still not sure what to think. I mean, Dave asked me to play a game of cards with him… as an equal. I said yes more on instinct than really wanting to play-it may have been a trick, or him trying to make me happy-and I'm glad I did. It wasn't the hardest I've played, but he knows what he's doing; that Kirlia he used was strong, and something tells me his deck can bring out a Gardevoir if given enough time. Can't say his strategy was anything new; general pummeling with psychic and a splash of fighting to handle the chance of dark. Heh, good thing I built around grass and fire. I like a clean battle, especially when it comes down to outsmarting your opponent, rather than countering what they're trying to do. Managed to win by two knockouts, but it was an uphill fight; his Kirlia took down my Magmar in two hits, and tore a chunk from my Ivysaur before finally going down. Things did turn around from there, though Dave did make a pretty good comeback with his Abra; never would have thought a basic could hang on so long, but he put everything into that little psychic. I don't know why, either; he had other Pokémon in reserve, yet Dave kept that Abra alive through my Ivysaur and Tangela… there was a point I thought he would crack my deck, but his evasion and leapfrog tactic finally gave out. The game was downhill from there, though Dave did try to rally himself with a tough Xatu; wasn't to be, but he did try. Ehe… he's in the kitchen right now, working on something quick for dinner, because our game went a bit longer than expected. – Mmm, sandwiches.

Can't sleep, that game is still on my mind. Maybe it's the thrill of a good fight, or the fact that I haven't played in months, but it feels good. Like mom used to say after a long day in the arena: 'fighting is in our blood, our muscles, and in our minds. We crave the thrill, the danger, and even the pain sometimes.' Not that I agree with pain feeling good, but the thrill of combat is addicting indeed. Like a release from the mundane, bringing back the excitement of outwitting and outplaying my opponent… even though it WAS Dave. Even so… there was something different about him during the game. He was so serious, intense in every move he made once that Abra was out… and defeated once I took the small psychic down, despite his reserves being ready to go. Figure it out in the morning.

Morning sucks, plain and simple. I forgot to close my window last night, and ended up with a mud-blinded Pidgey flying around and chirping its head off. Took throwing my pillow at the panicked critter and tossing it back outside to get any peace. And the worst part is that it's too late to go back to bed, as Dave will be up in another hour or so. And I'm hungry… gonna get some breakfast.

There's an advantage to getting up early: no oatmeal. Dave was a bit surprised to wake up with breakfast cooking, but he didn't say anything. I think having someone else do the work was a nice change of pace… or he was still half-asleep. Hard to tell, as he has no personality until drinking a cup of that black stuff. I don't see what he likes in it; the stuff smells bad before dumping boiling water through it, and smells burned after. Ahh well, it gives him a kick start, and makes him less of a zombie so who am I to argue? It was nice to have something more than the pale gunk for breakfast; a few scrambled eggs, some orange juice, and a slice of toast with razz jam. – Frisbee time

A nice morning spent playing outside, combined with a short nap before lunch; that's my idea of a good start. Especially when it involves 'accidentally' knocking the Pidgey from earlier out of the air, before giving it a good toss back into the air. I should feel bad for scaring the bird half to death, but it's only fitting after waking me up at five in the morning like that. There's something satisfying about getting back at someone, even if they're not intelligent enough to realize what happened. And it's good practice with a thrown weapon; reminds me of going out with Dad to practice hitting moving targets. He used to throw pieces of part into the air and have me try to juggle them; it usually ended up in pieces after the first attack, but he didn't mind. Those were good times.

It's been quiet after smacking that Pidgey around. Guess it went off and freaked the other pesky birds around here, or maybe seeing one of their own knocked from the air shook some sense into them. Either way, it's been peaceful if not dull. Dave made lunch, but went into town once I was settled in. Said he had to run a quick errand, but I can't help but feel that he's hiding something. We just got groceries a few days ago, and unless there's something he didn't tell me there's no reason to run off like that. Hmm… no sense in worrying about it right now, as it's none of my business. But it's fun to lie on the couch and muse about it. Hmm… maybe he's writing progress letters to those jerk humans who took me away, or getting paid to 'take care' of me. Or maybe he's submitting secret government research on the behavior pattern of Espeon: that would explain the sudden change of pace with yesterday's card game. I wonder if that means I'm entitled to part of the profit, as I AM a semi-willing subject. – bored.

Spent the afternoon lying on the porch, thinking about nothing in particular. It was a nice day, and it seemed smart to just enjoy the warm summer air rather than go out and do whatever. There's so much to enjoy, and sometimes it's nice to simply stop and watch the world pass by you rather than blending into the chaos. It's been… wow, nearly three years from when I was born, and already so much has happened. You forget about the little things; triumphs, failures, good times, bad times, and even patches best left in the past until it all stops. It feels like only yesterday Kera was pushing me around, calling me a waste of fur and getting Charis to beat me up or bullying Derano into picking on me. Only hours ago that Dad was teaching me about my new form, and how to control my power. Only minutes ago he was holding my paw, trying to reassure me of something he couldn't know the answer to. Only seconds ago I woke up here, with Dave sitting there watching me. It's all past, just time slipping away in this constantly moving world. Things move forward no matter how much you want them to stop; you're just another fragment in the storm. I still want that hug…

A nice, home cooked meal can do wonders for your mood. It wasn't the fanciest: baked potato, a reasonable portion of steak, and green beans, but I can't say no to a hot meal that doesn't come in a box. And it comes with the benefit of getting to help out. Note: it's hard to scrub potatoes when you don't physically hold the brush. Took me a while to get them clean, and more than a bit of splashing from the running water. But, they came out good and that's what matters. Mmm, the place still smells like everything cooking, probably because the pans are in the kitchen still. I'm ignoring them for now… and the look Dave is giving me… better go do the dishes.

I keep thinking about that game yesterday, and how it felt. It was like I was alive again, despite maintaining an active daily routine. In the heat of battle only your next move, and trying to predict what your opponent will do matters; everything else melts away as you consider your options, and weigh the odds. You're free from worries, and the normal thoughts of the day. And I missed it… a lot. Dave was different, but not in the same way. The way he played was strange, like every Pokémon lost was more than just part of the game… or like the game was more to him than a friendly match. I can't place a paw on it, but he acted strange. Maybe… nah, it was a one-time thing. He just wanted to make me feel better, right? I'm gonna get some sleep, too many thoughts and not enough patience.

Mmm, there's nothing quite like waking up to the smell of waffles. Sure, breakfast still involved the abomination in a bowl, but a couple golden squares with razz jelly make it bearable. I even tried a bit of that black stuff… not a good idea. It tastes like the last time I fought a fire type. Thankfully it only took a few sips of juice to get the taste out of my mouth. Try everything once; sure, just make sure you have some way of getting over the taste if it's bad. Now I don't know which is worse… the aftertaste of that tar, or the taste of the gunk. Humans invent some horrible things.

I once thought learning to shoot down a target with a shadow ball was hard. Now I know what hard really is. I tried making a few sharp sticks, and tossing them at a rough target… I hit the target once, but that was by sheer luck. It sounds so easy when you're working on the daggers; simply line up your shot, get your tail in position, and throw. I think it's the release; the fur is dragging, knocking the throw off just a bit. Hmm… maybe adding a psychic grip will help, once I find the right strength. One day soon I'll be moving on to my new nemesis. – back to practice.

We skipped lunch, and had a pretty big dinner; Dave had to run back to town, so I tagged along. What can I say, it was getting boring practicing my aim alone, and he wanted the company for the hike. It's lonely without him around… and I like walking along the open road, trying to guess what might run out from the long grass as we travel. I know it's been a rough road so far, but… Dave isn't so bad, for being my forced caretaker. He's a nice guy, even fun once in a while-not that I'd tell him that part, as he'd ruin the feeling. It's hard to really say how I feel about him; it changes day to day, and depending on what he cooks/asks me to help with for meals. Hmm… sometimes tough to live with, or overly friendly like he's trying to win me over. Other times he seems reserved, like he wants to say something. And then there's the walk into town; talking about the area, and treating me like another human… not his pet, or even a Pokémon. Even my friends back at the card shop act strange around me. It never bothered me, and even now I don't care that they treated me a bit different. It's just a part of life; I'm not a human, and therefore no matter how like them I can act, I'll always be an animal in their mindset. *sigh* Mom really knows what she's talking about on that one. After seeing her flip out at the grocery store… I never forgot just where 'our' place is. But Dave is different, or at least a part of me believes so. Wishful thinking in a way, and maybe… hope? – dishes

It's a nice night tonight, even though leaving the window open might lead to another uninvited alarm clock. Ahh well, so long as I only leave it open a crack before turning in it should be fine. Besides, risking being startled awake is worth feeling a cool breeze blowing through your fur. It's also advisable to do that from a bed, rather than lying on the windowsill, as the latter is far from comfortable to sleep on. There's also the chance of falling out, as my room doesn't have screens. I looked down once, and there's a small bush below that doesn't look friendly. I wonder, does Dave really consider me an equal, or is it just a well played game? He's so much different than the humans who came to challenge Dad, and even the nurses weren't as… they treated my like an animal first, and a patient second. I'm used to it from the check-ups, but… it's hard to describe. I feel accepted for who I am, not what I am, or treated special because I'm not normal. Even so… what if it is just a game for him? I'd better go to bed before I start thinking more.

… I woke up on Dave's bed. How did I wake up on Dave's bed? Right now he's in the kitchen making breakfast, and I'm on the couch trying to sort out what happened. I don't remember what happened after falling asleep, aside from feeling scared… it must have been a nightmare. He was sitting by me, running a hand down my back when I woke up… it was comforting, if not scary in its own way. He only flinched for a moment when I bit him… and he wasn't mad at me either… I feel really bad about it, but Dave said it was his fault for startling me. I can still taste the blood teeth sinking into the skin and muscle… how could he not be mad at me for doing that? – breakfast

Dave is strange. Now he's giving me a hard time about biting him, saying I have to work off 'this grave injustice' by doing the cooking for today. He's joking about it being so bad, but it's only fair I do something to make up attacking him out of panic. Hmm… that also means I get to choose what to make for lunch and dinner. I'll think that over later, right now I need to clean up the kitchen and find out what he has on hand. - ehe, on hand.

Had to make a run into town for a few things, but it was nice to go shopping on my own for the first time. Dave made up a list of things we could use, but gave me enough to pick up a few extra things if they caught my eye; nearly bought myself a pack of cards, but it wouldn't be right to buy something like that with his money. I got more than a few funny looks, but going with Mom's usual glare shook most of them off; had to argue for a bit with the cashier that I had an owner, despite having my name tag. Humans can be so picky about things. You would think that trading money for goods would be standard no matter who was involved, but I guess seeing an Espeon with a shopping basket turns logic off for them. In any case, I got the stuff and even risked a short teleport as I didn't have anything to keep the meat cold. Ended up on the roof, but that's better than I was expecting. Better go, the pan should be heated by now. – Mmm, chicken

Ehe… well, it came out decent considering. I think the pan was a bit too hot when I added the oil, but the house doesn't smell like smoke anymore so it's okay. Spent ten minutes scrubbing off the blackened pan, and longer trying to fan out the smoke; lunch itself came out pretty good once that was under control. It took a bit of restraint not to let the fan 'accidentally' catch him in the head for laughing so hard, but looking back it was pretty funny. Light fried chicken over rice, with mixed vegetables on the side. Add in a slice of pie that was on sale and you have a great lunch. Dave offered to do the dishes, but I returned his earlier jest about being injured by being the one to take care of them. And I like doing dishes when it isn't for a family of nine; it gives me time to think about things, and relax. Plus it's great practice for manipulating several small objects at once; someday I'll learn how to put away a bag of groceries without looking… someday. So far just handling two sets of silverware and plates is tough. If you're watching it's not hard at all. But trying to do it blindly takes a lot more focus. – going for a walk

Been thinking a lot more, especially with how things have been the last few days. Maybe it's a reaction to what lead me here, or maybe it's just a part of growing older but… I feel wanted. Not that I wasn't at home before everything fell apart, as that's not true. I have a loving family there, and friends… well, friends is something I'm starting to question. What is a friend? Someone you like being around, someone you share interests with, someone who's nice to you for who you are, or is it more than that? I used to think it was just others you got along with, and could be around… but, now I don't know. It's like living in a padded room your entire life, safe and secure when suddenly you're tossed into the real world. You don't know what to believe, or what to trust… you hit a lot of ups and downs, stumbling along with no clue what you're doing until you find someone to teach you. Maybe that's what this is… my real life clash. Well, I'd better get back before Dave starts worrying. – meatballs!

Spaghetti is fun to make. It's like trying to hold a bunch of sticks without breaking them, only you can't feel the pressure you're exerting. And then you get to give your catch a satisfying crunch over boiling water, and watch the pieces splash into the bubbling liquid; and I love tomatoes in any form, especially with those lumps of cooked sausage just waiting to be coated in the rich sauce. It's one of the times that being able to manipulate a few spoons at once is very helpful, especially when one of them is all metal. There's something so nice about the smell of sauce bubbling away, and of course what's cooking without making sure it's just right? It came out decent, but too peppery; next time I'll pay more attention to the grinder while making sure the pasta isn't too soft. Ahh well, it was still good considering it was only my second time cooking on my own-even the days I had to fix breakfast at home, Shadowbane was there to make sure I was safe. And this time I didn't start a fire, so that's a big improvement already. – fat and happy

It's nice out, so I went for a short walk; Dave made me take a flashlight with me, which felt strange… I can see in the dark just fine, and feel my way along if that fails. But, it was the only way he would let me go out that late, so I went with it. Ehe, nothing like walking through the tall grass with an electric torch clamped in your jaws; not the most comfortable thing, but still fun to annoy the Noctowl with it. Annoying birds… I'd just shoot them down, but shining a light at them was easier, and resulted in fewer attacks directed my way. Once they wised up I was free to stalk through the grass, and wind along the edge of Dave's property; I promised to stay close enough to see the porch light, after all. Dave had fallen asleep on the porch, so I nudged him awake rather than leaving him to sleep leaning on the railing. He gave me a groggy hello and dragged himself inside… after taking three tries to find the doorknob. Guess I was out a bit later than I thought… oh well, sometimes staying up late is good. – hoping not to get woken up too early

Ended up dragging myself out of bed around ten, and that was only because Dave kept pestering me every few minutes. Nearly threw my pillow at him before finally giving up and starting the day; probably should have, looking back on it. Getting out of bed when you're still not awake to face a bowl of paste is hardly how you should have to start a day. But, it's the price I paid for staying up so late. On second thought, I'm gong back to sleep if he'll let me. – groggy.

A longer than usual nap, combined with a bite to eat is a great cure for feeling run down. The only downside is waking up to your paw being numb from sleeping on it… still waiting for feeling to come back, so I'm just lying on the couch and relaxing a bit. Dave is outside working on something or other-he mentioned it earlier, but I don't remember what he said. Something about feeding, or weeding… eh, doesn't matter that much. Why is it that I keep thinking about him, aside from that he's my 'caretaker'? Sure, he's been good to me… even treated me better than anyone outside my family ever has, but what is it? Maybe it's like what I thought a few days ago, that he's… that he cares outside of being paid to watch me, or wanting something out of the bargain. It's so hard to know… you can't go up to someone and ask 'hey, are you being nice because you like me, or because you're being paid.', at least without ruining what may be there. Write later, Dave is calling. – chores…

There are advantages, and disadvantages to being a psychic; being the one asked to move heavy objects is one of them. I know it's better than trying to build something, or get a group of humans to do it, but the strain is far from fun. Oh well, we got that tractor back on the road eventually; my head hurts from it, but Dave promised to get me something in town to ease the pain. It's embarrassing being carried back because you can't see straight, or walk without wincing… and then collapsed. He left me some water and an ice pack before leaving… it helped a bit just knowing he cared. Need more ice… can't stop chewing on the melted pieces.

Mmm, a bit of ice cream is the best medicine humans ever invented. It still smarts to levitate anything heavier than a book, but by tomorrow it should be fine. Dave was acting nervous when he got back, but brightened when he saw me walk out to meet him. Wouldn't let me help with the groceries; kept saying I lifted enough for today already… I could tell he didn't want me to hurt myself worse. Hmm… - hoping for another bowl.

… I asked him for a game finally. After dinner he was cleaning up-wouldn't let me help because of my headache- and it just slipped. He gave me a mixed look, but said yes… a part of me wanted him to say no, to avoid the embarrassment of it, but that wasn't to be. So, rather than try to back out of my mistake, I got my deck while he finished clearing the table. I… it's one of those things you can't put into words without sounding silly, or not making a lot of sense. It was a relief to play a second game, and really fun. It wasn't like our first game, mostly because Dave didn't slow down once I beat that demon Abra; he rallied himself and fought back hard. I still won cause I'm that good, but it was a real nail biter. It also feels good to play again, and be myself without worry of being laughed at, or looked at as 'a cute Pokémon pretending to be human'. I think… I know Dave is more, but how much more? And is it only me wanting something that isn't real… no, no! I know Dave isn't like that; cards tell you a lot about others, I know that for a fact. You can pick out play styles, choices in tactics, and even how honest they are about rules and what they have in a game. Like the cheater I helped run out; he wanted to win so badly that how it was done didn't matter. Well… he also was being a jerk about his trading prices, but that's something else. Dave… he's up front in his tactics; he uses evasion to avoid the more devastating hits, while trying to force your hand before unleashing his finisher combos. He doesn't cheat, or try to milk anything with any Pokémon aside from his Abra, which is strange. Two games, and it never evolved; he got a Gallade on me that hurt bad, but not even a glimpse of a Kadabra… I wonder why? Still, he's honest and that's what matters… okay, and he's a really nice person. – going for a walk

I love the cool night air, even if it was thrown at me by a few angry owls. I guess those Noctowl I pestered spread the word, and their unevolved forms decided to take me on. Ehe, it was fun shooting them down; good throwing practice. For being round balls of feathers with tiny wings, they moved pretty fast; hardly enough to avoid my aim, but still quick on the wing. Took throwing whatever was light at them to fend the attack off… stupid headache. Once that was over I could enjoy the starry sky in relative peace; there was something nearby, but I couldn't see anything in the long grass. Well, I'd better get to bed at a reasonable time. – feeling… happy again

Whoever or whatever my dream stalker is sure can be weird. We were sitting together, the first rays of sunrise breaking over a steep mountain range. A chill breeze swept across the plateau, bringing the smell of fresh snow and what little could grow at that extreme height with it. It was so unfamiliar to me… I've only seen pictures of areas like it, yet it felt so real. It was beautiful; the cold air was refreshing, despite feeling like ice crystals were forming inside my nose. And that sunrise… it was like I could reach out and touch the growing glow. She huffed at me for staring, running a long ear just under my chin until I laughed; got her back by nipping it, which earned me a dirty look. Her eyes said otherwise… there was something I've seen before in those red and black pools, but it faded too quickly to identify. It's hazy from there, but I do remember being pounced on and pinned… her fur was thicker than it seemed; kinda like a puffy blanket, but still soft… and her breath was weird. It smelled like fresh rain mixed with strawberries… now I'm hungry. – breakfast… bleh

He may be someone I could call a friend, but oatmeal is still a cruel and unusual food substitute. Dave let me have a bowl of mixed fruit on the side at least, though it hardly makes up for the negative taste of the gunk. Oh well, it's just a rough start to another hopefully good day. My headache is mostly gone, though Dave is being overprotective and trying to convince me to take it easy. Your foes never take a break, and nothing's broken so why should I? Those owls will return, and I must be prepared to defend my window and his yard from their presence! Ehe… and I like practicing at night; it's cooler out, and more challenging to fight in the dark. – to battle!

I got to make lunch again today, though Dave was nearby just in case… so I started one fire a few days ago, doesn't mean it'll happen a second time. This time I made sure to pay attention to what I was doing, and not try to write in my journal while waiting for things to heat up. Mmm, I love making stir fry; the mix of scents as everything cooks is great, and getting to flip the pan and catch everything is really fun. Swear Dave was fidgeting like I was going to drop something on the flame, but I've known how to do this for a while. It's just like trying to shake a pawful of candy from a box, only with an open surface. - dishes

It's been a pretty long day… Dave wanted to make sure I was fine, so we went out for a while. It took tossing a fair sized boulder several feet to convince him that it had passed. The look of shock and nervousness from how the ground shook… was an added bonus. I guess seeing a rock big enough to crush him float into the air, and fly several feet would make any non-psychic nervous. After that we took a long walk around his property, more to enjoy the warm air than anything else. It was… too quiet out there; didn't talk much, but that's because both of us didn't know what to say… it's awkward going from pushing someone away, to being friendly in return. I feel bad for being so cold these last weeks… he was just trying to make me feel comfortable, and I shoved him away. And even now there's a barrier between us; not one I've put up, but a species boundary. He's a human, and I'm… well, an animal by most views. It doesn't matter how many 'human tricks' I can do, so many judge just by appearance. Dave is different, I can feel it, but… you can't put aside a prejudice that's been in existence long before you were born. Maybe I'm looking too deep into this… - confused

Ehehe… reading over someone's shoulder is fun, even more so when you can rightfully pester them to turn the pages faster. It wasn't the most interesting novel… the plot was predictable, even if the character development kept me wanting to read on. Is it so hard for people to realize that the main character was really the killer, disguised as the detective investigating a crime he committed? The author all but stated it around halfway through, when the 'detective' noticed something that the forensic team had missed; something only the killer should have known about. I didn't ruin it for Dave… partially because I wonder if he'll see it before the end, and because it's rude to spell out a twist for someone. Hmm… that reminds me, I should look into that series later. Don't see why mom got so mad at it, the story was deep, but easy enough to follow if you take your time. I shouldn't complain, though; her getting frustrated and nearly knocking Dad out with it landed me a great read, one thankfully not smudged by blood. - going to bed early

Managed to get up before Dave and cook a real breakfast. There wasn't much in the fridge aside from some questionable fruit, a few eggs, and some cheese. Still, a cheese omelets and a few semi-fresh strawberries is far better than choking down gunk that's threatening to stick to your throat. Thankfully, that black stuff kept Dave at bay until we were done; he's still edgy after the chicken incident, but at least willing to look past it and enjoy having a hot breakfast and coffee waiting for him. Can't say he's the most interesting breakfast companion, but I made it into a game; guess the grunts. I ask him a question, or talk about something, and try to figure out what his mumbles and sleepy gestures meant. Today's was 'I dunno. Maybe later.' and my favorite: 'in the south side, we'll find it later'. The last one was muffled by his cup, so I'm guessing at it. - chores…

There's a downside to being seen as an equal: you have to do more work. Sure, I wouldn't trade cleaning up the dishes, and helping with the dusting for being used like a weapon to earn praise and money for my 'master'. I never understood why humans, after so many millennia to develop, still see Pokémon as dumb animals… then again, I think most of them ARE dumb animals, if some of the brutes I've met are anything to go by. Take the Pidgey from several days ago: I'm willing to stake my collection that it didn't have enough wit to fast-talk even the dumbest predator. And to think, I'm distantly related to that flying feather duster… makes you wonder where it all went wrong. Gotta go, we're heading into town for lunch and some sightseeing.

Dave has a wit sharper than Shadowbane… though, he uses it for good at least. The bank was giving us hassle about 'a wild animal off its leash'; wanted to bite the attendant for calling me an it, but his plan was better. I'm now his official 'lie detection assistant, whatever that means. It worked, mostly because the teller was too distracted with how serious Dave was being… ehe, I'll have to remember that one for the grocery store. After that was done, we stopped at a small outdoor cafe kinda place. Dave said it was meant to cater to both human and Pokémon, but he let me order off his menu rather than the generic 'poke chow' I could smell from twenty feet away. Bleh, it reeked worse than the foul bricks that league bird brought… and that's saying something. The 'human food' wasn't great, but between Dad's cooking, and being able to season things to my taste, I'm spoiled. But, beggars can't be choosers after all, and it wasn't inedible. It seems after yesterday, Dave wants me to have my own reading material. I guess tapping him on the shoulder every other page to read faster got to him. It was a weird experience, mostly because the nice person at the front desk tried that baby talk nonsense with me… which stopped the moment I returned her cutesy chatter with a formal if not sharp question of my own. Hmm… Dave has the same taste in reading as Mom; they both lean toward the mystery novels that are too easy to predict. Ahh well, there was a decent sized sci fi section to raid, and once the librarian had a bit of respect for my intelligence, I checked out a few promising titles… and an adventure book about pirates. I can hear Shadowbane laughing already… - reading

There's nothing like a satisfying meal, and a soft place to stretch out afterward. I don't' see how humans and a lot of 'humanized' Pokémon feel that comfort comes from throwing lots of money down the drain, or seeking others to tell you what is good in life. It's the simple things: a place to feel relaxed, others you can be yourself around… and a good book to end a long day with. Was that the intention of the humans who wrote their stories? Did they know that long after their time had passed, others would pick up their world and bring the still ink to life again? Probably not, but it's fun to imag-

Dave cheats. He snuck up on me and attacked my one weakness… and I liked it. It doesn't matter how intelligent you get, being scratched in just the right spots makes it all melt away into a world of bliss… and strips away what dignity you have, leaving behind a purring lump of fur. It's a weakness, a power someone else has over you with minimal effort, the off switch for your defenses. Dave didn't try anything while teasing my ears, he just… it's hard to describe. I felt… stripped of every barrier, left helpless to the world again, yet happy for it. Like the euphoria of an intense game, where each moment is the most important, and the next is an unknown you don't need to face. It's not something you can simply put a word or phrase on; it's just a part of who I am, and what I've been made to be. Funny how it's always the little things that mean the most to us, even if it takes a while for them to sink in. - bedtime

It's been an eventful morning, to say the least. Dave ran out of oatmeal, so we had a normal breakfast for once; ham and eggs with a bowl of mixed fruit we shared. Dave was in his zombie mode until the second cup, though today he didn't even respond until pouring his third. That's not the big part of it all; we went up to that clearing and played another game! I thought he'd forgotten, but we made a morning of it. It wasn't eventful outside of Dave managing to beat me… swear that Abra was dodging way too much, but he played a fair game. Hmm… maybe I should have held off and drawn out his defenses, rather than going in with my heavier hits early. Ahh well, that's what rematches are for.

Has it really been nearly a month since I got here? Time really does fly when you're riding an emotional roller coaster… or when you're barely paying attention to the date, and just living your life. Looking back, it seems like a lifetime since waking up in that room… maybe it was a lifetime. In a way, a part of myself died that first night, but only when things settled did it become visible. Am I stronger for it? Weaker? Or something in between… I don't know… it's like trying to watch train rushing past you; you can pick out a few details, but before you can blink it's gone. Maybe it's better that way; I can put it in the past, and look toward what hopefully will be a nicer tomorrow… and more of that health food gunk, unfortunately. Just a small bump in the road of life I guess. - going for a run

Spent most of the day out and about. Dave just had to run into town for more of his cruel and unusual breakfast food, so I tagged along; it's not much fun being alone, even with a book to read. And going with means I have some say in what lunch would be… yes, I'm picky about what he brings home sometimes. He likes some strange things, and I like other strange things; we have to meet in the middle once in a while, right? Okay, so I like walking along the country roads with him, so what? It's relaxing to just walk and talk about nothing in particular sometimes, especially with the quite… tense aura finally starting to break up between us. I feel stupid for believing Dave to be using me, and it's hard to admit to him… or to myself fully. But, that's in the past and so long as those feelings don't come back and cause trouble, it'll be fine… right? We had lunch in town, thankfully not at that co-species place; it gave me a bad feeling there, like their 'Pokémon menu' was forced on them. Mmm, I love salami sandwiches, especially with everything but lettuce. In salads the greens are fine, but they put so much on it chokes out the other flavors. It could have been better, but for not arguing that an Espeon was ordering a meal, it was good. Dave let me pick out a bit of dessert for tonight, which of course was ice cream… I know he was stifling a laugh as I brought back the small container, but it didn't bother me. There are some things in life worth brushing off, and choice of sugary things is one of them. And he's not one to talk; I saw him put a few small items in his basket at the checkout, so I'm not the only sweet tooth plagued one. Gotta go, I'm cooking dinner tonight. - Mmm, macaroni and spam

Ahh, a long day ending with some time to read. I knew there was a reason Mom would visit the library so much, aside from to avoid the cold in winter. It's not something I can see doing at any old time, but lying down and losing myself in a decent book is relaxing once in a while. Ehe… and I can pass it off as research for my own technique… I wonder what it would be like to ride the high seas, and that kind of life? Rough, naturally; living day to day as the scourge of the ocean, attacking merchants and shipping vessels, fighting and plundering to my hearts content. On second thought, maybe just reading about it is enough; it's far safer to be on the pen's side, rather than the sword. Because after all, the pen can only stain your fur whatever color it holds, while the sword stains you crimson no matter what. Hmm… maybe being an explorer, riding the seas as a livelihood; searching for new lands, new species, and new riches for my homeland. And of course, being free to follow the winds wherever they blow. I can almost smell the fresh sea air. - bedtime

Mornings are bland because there's nobody to talk to until the coffee is ready. It also means I get to raid the kitchen for something more edible than his idea of breakfast… so it's a trade-off. I gave the stuff a try… it tastes about as bad as it smells; needed sugar, and a bit of milk before I could choke the stuff down. It'll wake you up, that's for sure; it's a kick in the head at first, but once the boost settles in it fells good. Hardly makes up for the foul taste, but perhaps I'm too big on sweeter things to appreciate such a bitter-burned taste. It brings Dave out of his zombie-trance, so maybe it's only good on humans? Like some healing drink to get them past the early morning deadness… or a jolt of energy to make them up before they're ready. Ehe… it's the anti-zombie potion, in bitter form. Like that natural remedy junk some humans peddle in town… you'd think they would realize that if it tastes so bad your patient wants to puke, it may be too bitter. Ahh well, I'd rather have a few days of rest, than some weird herb formula to keep me going when I should be trying to recover.

Came back a bit early, unsure of what to think... I tripped while walking, but the ground was solid. And this feeling I can't describe... like hearing an echo, and turning your head to listen, only the sound is gone before you can understand its message. It was like someone threw a bucket of cold water on me, yet I was still dry... just the chill registered for a flash before fading again. It... it's like when Mom... when she howled. That same feeling in a flash, before warmth returned. But, she's so far away... and it's a quiet day aside from the usual sounds you expect, so... maybe it's just a momentary relapse. Yeah, that has to be it. In any case, I'm not gonna let it get me down... no sense in falling into another pit so soon. - bored

Dave is weirder than I thought… he's into comics. I was digging around under my bed out of curiosity, and I found a box with two sets of whatever 'Captain Awesome' is. One is sealed in plastic bags, which I'm guessing is to keep them in mint condition, and the other… some were well worn, but the damage fades by issue, like whoever was reading them didn't go over the newer ones as much. And then there's the last few years of issues… they're a bit musty from being stored, but otherwise undamaged. I didn't mess with them aside from sorting through the stack, as something tells me Dave might get mad if he found me going through stuff that isn't mine. Gonna ask him about them later… and maybe he'll let me read the non-preserved ones. I really wonder what they're about… and why the theme seems to be anthropomorphized Pokémon. They smelled funny… ink, aging paper, and something I can't put a paw on the covers of most. The new ones smell like Dave, so they must have been stored there recently. Hmm… and judging by the date on the newest one, the next issue will be out-if they're still in production, that is. - practice time

Ehe… I'm getting pretty good at hitting moving targets. Managed to shoot down a pair of Pidgey in a row before the birds wised up and stopped flying so low. A few of the brave ones tried dive bombing me, which was fun in itself; I know it's mean, but using the pests as target practice was even more fun than dagger practice. Shame that they got away… I've wondered what Pidgey taste like. The ones back home were too fast to catch, and Mom didn't care for wild bird so we stuck to the rodents on those kind of days. They're stringy, but not bad once you get past the overpowering taste of blood. Maybe it's from growing up with human cooking, but hunting for a meal doesn't appeal to me very much… it's how things are in the wild, but it's just not for me. Guess I'm spoiled that way; living in a human home, raised… surviving kithood and entering the world of a trainers Pokémon. Now THAT'S a strange situation: my Dad is my Trainer… good thing the league humans didn't know about that one, or he might have had even more brought against him and Mom… best not to think too much about it… write later, I need to clear my head. - bad memories

… Why is it so simple? Dave… maybe I'm just that easy to read, but he sat down by me a bit ago and picked me up-which feels weird-and put me on his lap. I tried to squirm free, but once his free hand found the right spot… I fell under his spell. It's… very strange, to say the least; no matter how much I fought it, that gentle motion felt so right… almost soothing. I… I felt, and still feel relaxed… it'll fade in a while, but for now the stillness of mind is comforting. So much continues to happen, moving forward at its own strange pace that can snap you forward violently, or just brush through your fur like the breeze… no matter how it goes, its unrelenting. Like a river it flows, moving downward toward the unknown; we can look back and see what has been, but what will be is hidden by the next bend. It's been so long, that having someone else in that boat feels awkward. He's moving into a space never occupied before, and a part of me wants it to stay that way. To let someone in is to put your heart in their hands; will they squeeze, or cradle? And for that matter… does he even want it? Just another undercurrent driving us forward I suppose. – hungry

Ate light tonight, because Dave was out doing… actually, I don't know why he was out for so long. By the time he got back I had a few sandwiches done, one of which he grabbed and headed for the living room with. I considered trying to get it back, as it just had to be the one I made for myself, but it was easier to just fatten up the other. Still, he stole it from me… I'll get him for it later. Ehe… hope he liked extra tomatoes. Hmm… just where does his money come from? As far as I know, Dave doesn't go out and work like most humans would. And I really doubt he's a trainer; I would have smelled it on him… maybe it's just family money like Dad? It's none of my business, but now I want to ask… nah, if it was something I needed to know, Dave would have said something. Or maybe he's retired, and living off what he made from a long career… ehehe, Dave the trainer; I'd pay to see that. Gonna read before bed. - ehe, Trainer Dave

Maybe reading until midnight was a bad idea… I had a dream about pirates raiding a small island settlement. It was fun; I was captain Daggertail, scourge of the seas. We came in by dawn's light, using the rocky northern shore as a staging point for our attack. My small but hardened crew was eager, paws twitching with anticipation. Frst mate Shade, who I swear looked like Shadowbane, was to lead the first wave; I stood ready, tail gripping my favorite knife tightly. It's fuzzy from there… I remember charging forward into the chaos, shouting some very interesting words I only just learned from my book. Weird thing is, I could feel everything; the cold sea air whipping across the dimly lit shore, the heft of my dagger as it whistled through the air, the vibration of parried blows running up my tail and arms… wait, I was partially human in that dream, wasn't I? Yeah, definitely not a good idea to read so late. - breakfast

It's been a very long day, one that I wish didn't happen. Dave and I were out taking care of some overgrown weeds-Dave needs to keep his property under control better-which was fun. He let me use the clippers on the thickest weeds, because he couldn't get a good enough angle at them. Once that was done, I went for a walk to relax… which is where this whole mess of a day came from. A half mile from his properly line was this metal cage just big enough for me to crawl into. It had a piece of meat at the far end, tied to a length of cord that was barely visible. Now, I know that some humans do trap wild Pokémon for things other than training, but this was different. It was too big to be for most small game like Rattata or Pidgey, and baited differently… like it was intended for something predatory. I poked around it for a bit, because it's unlike anything I've seen before; Mom was caught in a snare trap once, but that… well, that was a bad situation. This device was more sophisticated, though easy to disarm. Whoever set it didn't realize that the string shows up in sunlight, and can be nipped off without springing the door spring. I took the bit of meat back and showed Dave, who reacted strangely. He didn't yell, or say anything bad to me… he just stared at the bait, and asked me in a scary tone where I found it… I showed him, and he… turned moody, dark. It was like Shadowbane's dark moods… he had this aura while examining the trap that made me nervous. It… did I do something wrong? The area smelled like the woods, with a hint of some sharp smoke; there was something smushed into the ground, but Dave picked it up before I got a decent look. The whole situation made me feel out of place… like whatever it was is something I shouldn't have found. Dave… he went back feeling safe to be around once we came back for lunch, but… I don't know, I don't know! I'm too nervous to ask what it was, because Dave seemed upset. We spent most of the day wandering around the area, looking for more of those traps; Dave was quiet the entire time, just tossing the piece of meat and talking silently to himself… I wanted to go back, but he wanted me there to help him. We found three more, all baited the same; second one snapped shut on me, though it was simply a matter of prying the metal door and gaining my freedom. It… it didn't feel good to stare out from those bars… I could feel pain coming from the metal… fear… and death. Kept that to myself, as he would start to worry… or want me to try and find more… it was bad enough feeling like there were ghosts in that tiny prison. It-I can't stop thinking about it… the feeling it gave me… my skin crawls every time I think about it. I need to clear my head, going for a run… nearby.

… I feel… small, helpless… weak. Can't sleep, too afraid of nightmares coming at my weakest hour. I want someone bigger than me there… I want Dad, he's brave. Or Mom, someone I can hide behind, someone I can turn to, someone… who can make it stop. *sigh* It shouldn't bother me; it was just some sick human trapping wild Pokémon. Anyone with half a brain can see right through such an obvious trap and either avoid or disarm it. It… maybe I'm being stupid about this. It's just a trap; metal wire and springs creating a simple, but effective device to capture things alive. But that feeling… it wasn't normal, like that metal absorbed the pain of those captured in it… I hate being a psychic… you have to deal with everything a normal feline does, and feeling the world around you on a different level. Most of the time it's fun, like being able to pry into someone's head and find out what they're thinking. And I can't see living without telekinesis, as it's one of my favorite abilities. So this is just the downside being me… okay, I'm going to just face the coming nightmares. - wants someone to hold him…

I had to get up extra early to wash up… didn't want Dave knowing I cried myself to sleep. It shouldn't affect me like this, it shouldn't! I'm grown up, and past crying because I'm scared. Dad doesn't cry, so I shouldn't either; I'm old enough to work through my problems… not fall apart like the weak kit I was… like Dave must think I am. Why else would he be so nice to me? No… no! That can't be true, I refuse to let myself fall into that pit trap again! Dave cares… I can feel it. He has this aura of caring… a little remorse when we're playing cards-though it's hard to notice as I'm so focused on the game-that makes me wonder… but, he's a unique human. It's all so confusing, but at least I have some way to try and piece apart the jumble of feelings and thoughts, rather than fall apart and have no way to put it all back together. I think about this stuff too much, without coming up with a new answer… gonna start breakfast to take my mind off it.

Dave put me under house arrest of sorts; I'm suppose to stay within his property line until whoever set those traps is caught, unless he's with me. Not like I'm going to argue… even if I can spot the cage traps form a fair distance, that doesn't mean whoever set those isn't prepared for craftier targets. It doesn't make sense; out here, there's only several common species that I've seen, and that weird Furret, unless that's the human's target? Nah, it's just a Furret; I see in the lowlands back home. Could be after me, but only the humans in town know that an Espeon is here, and from how Dad talks they're not worth that much. Something about being too slippery for the quality, whatever that means. Gonna go read for a bit and take my mind off things.

Ehehe… captain Daggertail, I like that a lot. Took a nap hoping to continue my villainy, but all I got was a bit of sleep, and woken up by a hand scratching my ears, so it's a fair trade off. It's a bit embarrassing to become a purring lump of fur, but it felt soo good… yeah, I was at his mercy again. Don't remember too much after that until lunch, when he finally stopped his tease/torture and let me recover. Still can't walk for more than a few steps without wobbling, but… that'll go away later, right? Lunch was pretty good, for being simple sandwiches; BLT to be exact. Needed a bit of pepper, but Dave gave me a lot of the T, so I went with it. Mmm, I'm working on it right now actually; for being a simple sandwich, it's one of the best. I wonder if there's any ice cream left. Hmm… gonna go find out.

Ow… head still hurts-don't try to eat a bowl of ice cream in under thirty seconds, no matter how good it is-from brain freeze. Dave said I was lying on the couch clutching my head and mewling, but I don't remember that part of it… only the pain spreading from my throat to my head. Either way, Dave was oddly helpful through it all; a cup of warm tea, and some conversation to get my mind off it. Ehehe, Abba-Zabba is a funny name for anything, but an Abra is too much. I did laugh a bit when Dave mentioned that, but only a little; he looked hurt that I found his old friend's name funny. Anyway, that's not the interesting part of it; he was a contest Abra… never heard of contests, but I faked it to avoid hurting his feelings further. They sound really fun; going in front of a bunch of humans, and showing off your abilities in different ways-that don't involve risking broken bones-to impress important humans. It explained the Frisbee I found, though… why would being able to hold that in the air with a bit of psychokinetic manipulation impress anyone? Eh… like Mom says from time to time: humans are weird. - Mmm, leftovers.

It's really late, but I can't sleep again. Today was… it's tough to find just a few words to explain it. We played a round of cards once the dishes were done, and talked some more. Ehe… I think Dave got a bit too comfortable when he pulled me onto his lap-which still feels weird… not used to being handled like that-and started petting me. Nearly squirmed free, but the attention was nice. It started out simple: how I liked it here (some, but I miss home), what I've been doing lately (that took a while to explain), and back to AZ. He was… saddened, if I was to put a single word on the shift in feel when talking about his old friend. AZ-as Dave says he preferred to be called-died a while ago, meaning the dinner we had last month was a tribute to something about that Abra. Didn't pry, as the conversation didn't allow for a chance to ask. Things got a lot heavier from there… I told him about what happened to bring me to his doorstep. He didn't pry, or call me stupid… Dave just ran his hand down my neck, urging me to continue… and I did. It feels… bad, but good to verbalize a few things. Nobody at home would understand what it's like, or they would try to 'help' me-probably screwing things up more-feel better. And he didn't laugh once, no matter how silly my worries were… he just kept petting me, adding a few comments here and there; just a presence letting me know it was okay. I think it knocked me out, because I woke up… a bit ago in my bed, and haven't been able to fall asleep since. So I'll write until I pass out. Dave… I think he cares about how I'm feeling, quite a bit if today was anything to go by. Nobody at home aside from Mom has tried to be this close to me… well, Sakaki did in her own way I think, but that time is still fuzzy. Okay, I can think this out clearly: Dave is the first person, Pokémon, or anything in between to make me feel normal. Mom and Dad try, but I know they're trying not to say the wrong thing, or in Dad's case yell at me for doing something stupid. Shadowbane… she liked to pull me into her schemes so much I wonder if she even knows how bad things got. Everyone else… well, I don't talk with them much outside normal family things, so I don't feel that close to them-not a bad thing in Cerberus's case-like those three. And there's Sakaki… I wonder how she's doing right now. We met on really strained terms, yet she… she saved my life. I could deny that, but no… she was the one, the only one who tried… everyone else forgot about me. Does that mean they've forgotten about me again? No! No, I won't entertain that thought for another second! And now Dave; someone who has nothing to gain from me, yet he treats me like an equal. I like him… I like him a lot… he's like a big brother who's been there, and done that; he knows what being hurt feels like… knows what loss is like. I really need sleep… and someone by me.

I feel… better. Dave… he didn't get too mad that I woke him up so late-did grumble about the time, but that's all-, and he let me sleep in his bed. It was awkward at first to be held like that, but at the same time it's just what I needed. Ehe, Dave snores louder than Dad, which is saying something. Humans also feel weird to stretch out by; I'm so used to feeling only the bed, and maybe some fur digging into my own, not cloth. And his hands were the weirdest part; he kept rubbing my chest with the tips, sometimes catching me just below the ribcage before settling down. Just the price for a night of security I suppose. Shame it had to end, and lead to more wall paste. Ahh well, today is looking great, so I'm gonna charge right in and enjoy it! Right after the dishes are done. Write later.

It's like a weight was taken off my chest last night. Maybe what Mom said that day is true; 'sometimes you need to stop trying to bottle everything up, and let it out'… it didn't make a lot of sense then, as I was hurt because of something else. But, it was true; can't help but wonder if she meant I should go to her or not… it's not relevant, just something I can't help but wonder. In any case it's something that's been building up for far too long, and now that it's out… I feel better having done it. Heh, bet Dave didn't expect that kind of reaction to being nice… or maybe he did. Not sure, he's hard to read aside from some surface emotion. It's tempting to dig deeper, but Dad always told me not to pry into the thoughts of others unless it was a dire situation. And wanting to know what someone is thinking about me isn't dire… at least that I can justify. It doesn't matter in the end, as the best way to ruin a good thing is to take it apart. Right now, I want to hold onto the stillness of the moment, and enjoy it for as long as it lingers; things will get rough again… I can feel it. Write later, gotta do some yard work.

Ehe, lawn mowers are fun. Dad has one, but he stretches out on a deck chair, and operates it from the shade. Dave on the other hand conned me-being that I got to sit in the seat and drive it-into working on the back field. Guess the traps we found have him more worried about the long grass, or maybe he realized that it's a huge fire hazard. Either way, riding around on a noisy contraption, half-hanging on while the thing roared through grass tall enough to hide in left me deaf and loving it. I swear Dave was laughing his head off at me, but I didn't care; the wind whipping through my fur, and trying very hard not to fall off in the turns… and barely being able to hear myself think drowned out everything else. Right now I'm lying on the couch, trying not too move too much; even with how even the ground was, it was a rough ride… that I would gladly do all over again. Having a home made popsicle to lick is helping my mood more than the pain, but I'm not arguing. I wonder how he makes them; they have bits of strawberry and pineapple inside, so it can't be from a box. I'll have to ask him later. For now, I need to move around a bit. – sore

Good lunch, and some time to relax and ignore my stomach protesting. Note: eating a big meal after being shaken for over an hour is a bad idea. At least I don't want to throw up like the last time I ate too much, but stomach cramps combined with already bad soreness is not fun at all. Dave said he'd try to get some painkiller that Pokemon can handle in town, but I told him it'd be fine. Try getting tossed around like a rag doll for a day, and then you'll know what being beaten really is. Those are such pleasant memories… for being muscle-bound morons, some of those fighting types can move pretty fast. And that mass of stupid isn't just for show, though thankfully they try to get me down in one blow… which still hurts. Dad taught me how to twist around and lessen the blow, but it still takes a lot out of you. I miss it… fighting is fun, despite the risks you take stepping over that line. It's a way to know you're alive, and to push what you can do, if not go beyond that limit to win. Maybe someday Dave and I can team up? Does he even know about fighting… hmm, that's a good question. Later though, for now I want to relax some more. Write later.

Yep, he knows about fighting... a lot better than most humans, that's for sure. That last Frisbee throw could have taken me out if it wasn't just a piece of plastic, but he took a few good hits to get it. Ehe, that bloody nose should heal up in a few days... and the swelling is looking better already. Who knew playing a rough version of catch with a few Frisbees, and a set of juggling balls could be so fun. And the best part? I got to let go of my normal limits, and try to really get some speed on my throws. It's a good thing we mowed the lawn yesterday, or it'd be a nightmare to find the stray shots. On the downside, it meant that the yard was an open killing field for both of us; not a bad thing when you can vanish in a pinch, but still disappointing. Makes me wonder if he would have gotten that final hit in or not. Hmm... maybe next time we can go play in the forest a bit? Oh wait, traps... heh, they could add another element to the game. We only found cage traps, and a few snares so it would be in his favor. Well worth it; you have to keep pushing the bar to keep yourself at the top of your game, after all. Though, a human is a very tough opponent... not sure just what he can take, so I have to watch it. Plastic and foam are one thing, but I've never hit a human with anything really dangerous. By how Dad used to talk, it's a bad thing to do. Write later, gotta make dinner cause someone is too busy nursing his nose. - Blood looks bad on him.

Well, his nose stopped dripping... didn't do much for the change in voice, but at least he's not a blood faucet anymore. Ehe, he sure has changed his tune about me; I guess getting popped in the nose by a fast moving Frisbee puts a bit of fear into you. That, or maybe he sees that I'm more than a pet for him to talk with... nah, I think it's from being knocked down a notch by me. In any case, it lead to spending the evening together on the couch; he was reading some detective novel that looked boring, and I was fighting down the urge to lie on my back-couldn't have Dave taking that as invitation to tease me-and read. It's getting really good now; Captain Blacklock just escaped a blockade, sinking two imperial vessels in an intense battle off the coast of Berasa. I wonder if that's a real place, or just something the author made up... that'd be neat if it was. Like walking into that world, standing where the captain himself fought through his Majesty's finest soldiers, defying odds and making it to his ship. I can almost smell the sea air running thick with burning powder, and blood. Every few seconds the crack of a musket unleashing its deadly payload toward the captain, missing by inches and striking another unfortunate human nearby; screams of pain mixing with half-garbled orders, and the taunts of the pirates. A world where wit and a steady hand are all you need to survive, living by blade and gun, fighting for survival and the fun of it all. Kinda like now, only without rules and more swearing... and natural abilities rather than steel and powder. I wonder what the ocean is like-aside from wet, and from how Mom described it, cold-to live by, and to travel on. Still, that would be an experience; sure, nowadays humans have boats made of metal and sturdy enough to hold up with minimal effort in comparison, but that's not the point. If not, then what is the point... oh yeah, experience the open water. It's hard to think with someone teasing your tail. Write later, gotta put a stop to the torment… and likely get different attention in return. – Brush…

Nice end to a fun day; there's nothing like lying next to someone you can trust, and having your fur brushed. I swear he took extra time going down my back to annoy me, but it felt soo good... and lost most of my dignity for it. He was fighting back a laugh by how he acted, but who can blame him? I mean... even I was laughing a little at how helpless that brush made me, though that was from it being ticklish as he did my stomach. He acted weird while doing it... I think; it's not like Dave could hurt me very easily, and if he did it would lead to him being floored in a few seconds in reaction. Hmm... it just sticks in my mind as strange, seeing as he was quite brave doing my tail like that; don't like my tail being messed with, even if it IS a nice brushing. Took a bit of restraint not to snap at him for it, but he finished quickly; probably knew I was getting annoyed with it. Still, why my stomach? Ahh well, it's probably one of those things I shouldn't worry about… then again, my stomach is near… oh.

Being woken up by an annoying bird is one thing, but falling out of bed and landing on your tail is another entirely. Weird thing is, I was a few feet away, meaning either I leapt in my sleep, or managed to move that far before falling. Either way my tail still smarts from the landing, and that's on top of having Dave rush in to find out what the thump and howl was about. Ahh well, my tail doesn't hurt as bad and I got to make breakfast while Dave slowly woke up, so it's okay. Nothing like bacon and eggs to make you forget about everything, especially with toast, orange juice, and a bit of fruit to go with it. Speaking of food, we're nearly out of that foul substance… maybe I can distract Dave long enough that he'll forget for a few days, or at least delay the trip into town for more. Then again, going into town is nice… it's a conflict of interests, which is annoying. Write later, gotta do the dishes.

Finally finished the first book, which took longer than I expected. Ehe… getting distracted with other things, and continually trying to imagine myself in the book didn't help any… and now I wanna read more by that author. It was really fun, even though the plot wasn't the best; a generic adventure book following the adventures of a pirate captain, and his continuous battles against everything that stood in his way. Definitely not the deepest plot, but it was so fun! I can still hear the crash of steel against steel, and the loud crack of black powder pistols firing, the stench of smoke and blood hanging in the salty air… the sounds of a high sea battle raging over the ocean's roar. Maybe I'm being silly about it, but I liked it. Maybe that's why Mom likes those mystery books… nah, they're too predictable to be interesting. And there's so much talking and other mundane things… the one Dave was reading had only a minor shootout, and even that was dull. The book Mom gave me was far more in depth; graphic, but not as interesting overall… though, thinking about it I don't know why. Hmm… I guess because for being a masterpiece of writing, the plot building held me better than epic battles. Ahh well, there's no reason to nitpick about what's good or bad; just read what I like, and not worry about other things. Hmm… I should really start into the other novels soon. Do it later, right now I'm too comfortable to fetch them. It's times like this that are good for thinking about things… I wonder if I'll ever see them again, or if the league's decision was permanent. Nobody told me a thing, or even asked; they decided what was best for me, and that was that. Such is the downside to being a mere animal to humans in power… and not being able to defend yourself. I'm not torn up over it anymore, just unsure of where my life is going. I like Dave, he's like my Dad and a big brother I never had rolled into one, with a weird streak mixed in. More like a brother than Dad really… he's there to watch out for me when things are really bad, and trying to make this situation easier to live with. Could do without the wall paste, but you can't have everything all the time. Despite that, living here isn't the worst fate; I could have died… or been taken and given to a human who treated me like a tool. I'm gonna go play in the yard and enjoy the day. Write later.

It's been a long day, and not a good one. Dave and I went into town to drop off our books-two of which I didn't even read-and pick up lunch. This of course, turned into several hours of through town, searching for signs of a shady human carrying an Eevee in a cage. Normally that wouldn't be too suspicious; pet stores, from what I've heard, often sell the 'pet' Pokèmon in large cages for transportation needs. Especially as most bought are given to underage humans, and are kept as companions rather than any form of sport fighting… but, that cage was different. Smaller holes, and judging by how the creature inside what cowering it wasn't in there willingly… Dave wouldn't say what he thought the human was doing, but I have a good guess. Fur traders, or at the very least a stolen Eevee to be sold on some underground market as a rare species. In any case, we did our best to find out who that shady human was, and where he was going; only got a rough location, which was a dead end. It… humans are downright stupid sometimes. Some of them try to lord over Pokémon, acting as if their intelligence and tools make them superior, while others use them as objects of war, or kill because their fur is pretty, or they have some small body part that a select group sees as valuable. It makes me sick… though, that could be the anger coming from Dave. He's across the room yelling into a phone, and I can feel his anger from here; we're in the closest Pokémon center, trying to pick up the trail on that human… well, he is. I'm just along because Dave needed to get here fast. Good thing I brought my notebook, or this would have been harder to deal with. Heck, I might have gone crazy from the conflicting emotions around me right now; there's a few trainers who are excited about their latest win, while their Pokèmon are shaken from being beaten so badly. Then there's the nurse in her usual cheery mood, with a hint of annoyance at how rough these trainers are. A few older humans are sitting quietly, talking about something very important; the 'leader' is upset with the others over something, but I can't make out what from here. And there's Dave, who's like a furnace of anger. It doesn't take sharp hearing to know he's trying not to yell at the other person, and failing. I can't make it out… he's angry over something, and it's not the shady human. Something about help? He's just a retired trainer, isn't-

Dave scares me… I've never seen him so angry before, even when I found the trap. It was like he radiated malice… no, more like vengeance; he wanted to hurt that shady human, maybe even kill him. It passed once he noticed me trying to get away from him, but that feeling was so strong… it was like every fiber of his being was willing harm upon that human we've never met before. He's outside talking-more like shouting-to someone, and by how loud it's getting he's not happy. I'm not supposed to go outside unless it's vital, so I'm on house arrest… are a few traps really that bad? It has to be that human, or something about what we saw… I guess it's the league he's yelling at, then. I shouldn't worry about it, but it's hard not to when someone's shouting within earshot, and you can hear most of the conversation. That's it, I'm going to find out what's going on even if he yells at me. – frustrated

… He's worried about me, that's what this is about… Dave thinks there's a thief ring in the area, and he was getting wound up about me being caught. He's lying, but I didn't tell him I knew that; better to let Dave keep his disguise, and not make him angrier. Right now it's best to simply let things settle down, and wait for Dave to cool off before doing anything… he didn't yell at me for interrupting his call, but the look was enough. I need to get some sleep; it's been a rough day.

Too early… can't go back to sleep… explosion in the woods… Dave i-

Falling asleep on your pen is not a good idea; it leaves a really ugly and hard to remove stain in your fur, and on the sheets. It took a good half hour of scrubbing and bathing to get the ink loose, and a bit longer to clean up the dribble from it. Ahh well, the sheets took the worst of the inking, so that's a minor plus. I know Dave is gonna be ticked, but we can deal with that later. Right now is the time to enjoy a hot breakfast, and a few morning rays before delving into the day. Which reminds me, he wasn't around when I got up; a note was on the fridge, but that didn't help much. No doubt the explosion from last night was his goal, but… he did tell me to stay inside, and I'd rather not make him angry just yet. Still have to deal with the stained sheets and mattress first. Speaking of which, I'd better put it in the wash before he gets back. Hmm… if he even comes back today. With how he exploded yesterday, and the explosion being so close Dave might be out for the whole day, if not longer. Something tells me he'll be back, though; call it a weird intuition. Write later, gotta do the dishes and start the sheets.

Still no sign of Dave, which feels strange. You get used to someone being around constantly, that when they're gone for a while it feels empty without them. *sigh* Yes, I miss him already; Dave has a way of making a room feel warmer, if only because someone trustworthy is there with you. And he's someone to talk things out with… much as it still makes me feel weird doing so. I've lived behind my cheeriness so long, that letting my real feelings out is hard. It's like acting most of your adult life, pretending to be a grown up without really being one. Uncomfortable would be a good word to describe it; I'm suppose to be mature, and understand so many things… I do get most of them, but some things just don't make sense. Dad would understand to a degree, but he's too… he wants to be a good father, despite how things were growing up. They mean well, and I feel lucky to have them for parents… but, they don't understand what it's like to be helped all the time. Nobody has to pick me up when I fall, no one needs to protect me from a bad day, but they do anyway. Why did I have to be this way? Why couldn't I be normal, or at least strong enough to control my emotions? Is it so wrong to feel sad, or want to cry when things are rough? I guess it is… if Kera was anything to go by; she bullied me so much because I was small, and because everyone treated me special. All I wanted was to be liked, to be accepted by the third most important someone in my life beyond Mom and Dad. *sigh* Bad memories… she would have killed me given the chance… she nearly did once, yet I can't hate her. Kera is my big sister, and someone I look up to even now. Even with the roles reversed it's the same; I want her acceptance, even though she loathes herself. I-I just want to know… am I right or wrong to feel this way? – naptime.

… I swear Dave has some psychic blood in him. He woke me up with a strong hug, running a hand along my ears in just the right place… combined with a bowl of ice cream. The latter wasn't as helpful, but having a cold treat to work through is good for the nerves. He's so much like a big brother it's scary… he knows how to make me feel better, and at times has an instinct for when I need him… he's not, but I can hold onto that feeling, right? Anyway, it wasn't a bad day once he returned; turns out that the explosion was something-probably a psychic-escaping with extreme force from one of the traps. He took me out to check the damage, which was pretty cool; whatever went nuts left a sizable crater in the ground, and blew several trees down. A few scraps of cloth hung from a branch maybe ten feet in the air, which makes me suspect the trapper was caught in the blast. Dave said the human was alive, and in the hospital; I have to wonder if Dave didn't add to his or her injuries, but… it seemed like a bad idea to ask. The whole area reeked of smoke, and burned meat… and there was a weird feel in the air, which is why I suspect it was a psychic burst. Whatever it was had to be fairly small; the pile of scrap that was the failed trap could have barely held me, let alone a bigger psychic… just what DID cause that crater? Whatever it was, I'd rather not make it angry… or meet it for that matter. If the damage, and residual disturbance in the area is anything to go by, it had to be something big… can't think of any species capable of such damage off paw, but it'd have to be a high evolution… or a legend-fat chance-lashing out. In any case, that should put a halt to whoever was setting traps; humans work in groups, but an attack like that will surely make them think twice about prowling out here. Write later, gotta start dinner.

Woke up early, because Dave was outside shouting; at first I thought he was yelling at someone at the house, but when I only heard his voice-and woke up enough to think-, I realized he was on the phone again. It didn't last long, but I did catch him say something about staying retired… I didn't know the contest circuit was so rough. He looked pretty angry, but brightened up once he noticed I was awake; that didn't stop him from making more of that wall paste, but at least he wasn't a zombie until drinking a few cups of coffee this morning. Breakfast was quieter than usual… the tension in the air hung heavy; both of us knew the burning question, but neither of us wanted to touch it. I should have asked and gotten it over with, but his body language was threatening, despite how hard he was trying to be calm. Unless it was about the unconscious human, but what would anyone want with him outside being a witness? It doesn't matter; if it was important enough for me to know, Dave would say something. Well, I'm going out for a while. Write later. - feeling uneasy

Nothing settles a rocky start like some quality time in the sun. Sure, I had to get down early because somebody was feeling lazy, but a good hour or so relaxing on the porch was enough for now. You'd think that a human who obviously has lived alone in the country for some time wouldn't be afraid of moving a few boxes. But no, Mr. too tired had to drag me into his work, because the biggest boxes were too much for him. It's also one of those times that having a good sense of smell is bad; nothing like getting a face full of fertilizer stench to make you regret getting near the stuff. And of course those bags were the heaviest; Dave took the easy things like small bundles of pipe, a roll of clear plastic, and some planter boxes. Oh yeah, I got to pick out some plants from a catalog... Dave gave me a funny look when I gravitated toward tomatoes, but went with it anyway. Now, what else was there... a few sweet berry varieties, potatoes, carrots... it was enough to make your head spin. Ehe... guess Dave got tired of running into town for groceries so much. Which gives me an idea. I wonder what Rat stew would be like, naturally with a good compliment of vegetables in a seasoned broth. And given some time to cook down the naturally stringy rodent meat. Hang on... yep, it's lunchtime. Write later. – Mmm, rat shiskabob… nah

More work combined with discussing working a section of the field later… we'll be regular self-use farmers before long. We have the smell down, that's for sure… it's not my fault that a bit of dirt was in the bag before being tossed aside, or that some of it went down Dave's shirt. He moves funny when something wet and sticky is inside his clothes… like a weird dance, only not coordinated. Ehe… the glare was totally worth seeing him squirm and try to shake the stuff loose. Anyway, we have most of the thing set up; there's still wrapping the plastic around the frame, and various small adjustments before it's ready, but it'll be a bit before Dave's order comes in, so we're taking it slow. Okay, and we're taking it slow because neither of us have more than the instruction manual's training to guide us. It didn't seem that hard from the examples, but when you have to wrestle very heavy bags, and make sure they pour right it gets tough. Naturally, they're meant to be physically handled, making keeping a psychic grip on such a thin area quite difficult. Ehh… that part is done, so now it's a matter of doing the technical work. Which of course means I get to haul things, and laugh as Dave struggles to assemble it. I foresee a good day tomorrow. Write later, gonna exercise a bit.

Watched the sunset from the roof before coming in. I just… felt like it, don't know why. It was relaxing, stretching out to make the small section of flat roof I found comfortable enough to stand, not thinking about anything in particular as the fading light crept below the tree line. Day turning to night, ushering in the start of the moon's cycle. I wonder what it's like for Mom during this time… it's chilling for me; watching as the warmth of day yields to the coolness of night. The sun bowing out, allowing the reflected light of the moon to reign for a time… it's eerie. I know Umbreon love the night, as it's where their power is greatest. But, what's it like? Even now I feel strange being what I am… trying so hard, dreaming of being one thing only to become it's polar opposite. *sigh* I like who and what I am, but sometimes… it feels like something was taken from me on that day. Like a door was slammed in my face by chance turning another way. No sense in moping over it, of course; I'm two years past it, and there's still tomorrow to enjoy. I just wish it wasn't dark so much, that's all. It's getting cold, so I'm gonna head in. Write later.

I found this yesterday, and between doing a few chores decided to read through it... what was I on? Seriously, it was a bad time for me, but pining like that? Good thing Dave promised to keep this here, or Shadowbane would have a field day on me. Anyway, I was right; the experience, and the resulting friendship have impacted my life greatly. Sure, there's still times things get hard... and sometimes I want to be left alone. But, knowing I have a few others to trust makes those times bearable. If only it wasn't so rough in the beginning... but, trials are what make us stronger, even if we break before it's much has happened since that day... good, bad, and enough inbetween to last me a whole journal. I'll leave the diary writing to Mom, though... too hard to think of things to say every day, and I've been a bit preoccupied lately. Not that I'd divulge it here; 'someone' has been reading this again, and let's just say there are things best left in private. Well, Dave and I are heading into town for dinner, so I'll stuff this back under the bed. Here's to hoping that the future is good, and preparing for if those skies turn stormy again. - Dracoris K, your friend for life.


End file.
